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7 Ways to Tell if He Plans to Marry You
The List offers simple, no fuss signs for deciphering if he's that into you.
by Kristine Kern
For a book that promises to “change the face of man-hunting forever,” The List: 7 Ways to Tell if He’s Going to Marry You—in 30 Days or Less! (Adams Media/$12.95) is deceptively simple. I’m not ruining anything by disclosing the seven ways here (they’re on the back cover of the book itself):
• He’ll make the first move.
• He’ll call her within 24 to 48 hours to set up a first date.
• He’ll make the first date easy and fun.
• He’ll call her within 24 hours to set up subsequent dates.
• He’ll want to talk to her every day and want to spend all of his free time with her.
• He’ll demonstrate unconditional loyalty.
• He’ll talk about marrying her in concrete terms and he’ll propose—or will let her know his intentions.
It sounds like a dream come true. And I guess that’s why I like this book by Mary Corbett and Sheila Corbett Kihne. As did He’s Just Not That Into You, it challenges women to simplify a seemingly complicated situation: dating. The premise is basically that if he thinks you’re the one, he’ll know it, you’ll know it, the world will know it because (here’s the fast-ball) he acts like it!
Moreover, like another best-selling manual, The Rules, it gives women willing to play by these (admittedly stringent) rules a measure of self-esteem along with a bunch of practical advice. If he calls outside the first 48 hours, you’re instructed to give him a polite brush-off. If he wavers in his commitment to you and doesn’t seem undyingly loyal, it’s so long Charlie. If the first date is a He-Date (loosely defined as all-about-him), give him the boot. Because you deserve a List Man, a man who knows that he wants you and will do most anything to convince you that you want him, too.
Many women will recognize a List Man as the type they’ve trampled as they ran after a “real man.” You know, the “real man” who will invite you for drinks along with all his work buddies and then leave you languishing at the bar while he plays another round of pool. Ah, the allure of the unattainable.
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1 Gwyn // Apr 18, 2008 at 7:20 pm
I agree with the List’s approach. I think the biggest mistake women make when dating (and the one that men exploit the most) is making excuses for men, finding positive explanations in our own minds for why they do asshole things or things that miss the mark. With the List, you are no longer making excuses in your head and hoping beyond hope for the guy who acts “oh so casual” or who is “dating around” and “not sure if he wants something serious.” This is all horseshit because if a man found a great woman do you really think he would risk losing her with bullshit behavior? No. Men are rational self interested creatures. But we women have bought into the “men don’t speak the emotional language very well and maybe he just made a mistake or is overwhelmed and confused.” Horseshit! He’s just looking for free easy sex and with your willingness to make up a creative back story that he is really interested, he can avoid lying to you and get his free sex.
2 kcgirl // Mar 4, 2008 at 6:22 pm
I have a great trick for letting them make the first move if you’re using Match.com. Just view them and don’t wink or anything. Guys always seem to check the “who’s viewed me” thing, so you’ll be on their radar, and if it seems like you have something in common, they’ll email you. It worked almost every time for me.
3 Anonymous // Jan 29, 2008 at 11:13 am
Kristine,
I wanted to comment on your quote below:
“My problem with the List is more mundane. Let’s just say for the sake of argument that I’ve signed on to the List philosophy. How exactly do I meet Mr. Wonderful? If I’m an online dater, I have to wait for him to make the first move (how retro!). The authors seem to imply that by simply reassessing my goals and figuring out what it is I must have in a man, I’ll unleash a torrent of List-worthy prospects. I’m not so sure. I can see their point: he may not look or act the way I expect Prince Charming to look or act, so I need to keep my eyes and ears open, but still, it seems like quite a leap of faith.”
We are conditioned to believe that if we do certain things we will attract more men. That’s not true, but what is true is that if you keep this list in mind you won’t waste time on the duds and will thus be more available to the good prospects who happen to come along. The more you weed out the duds the more you will be available to attract men who will meet your needs.
Also, there’s nothing “retro” about this advice. After all, if you’re the one who posted the online ad, you’re waiting for someone to reply to it. Is that “retro”? You can apply this list to men who reply to your ad. If a guy jerks you around with 20 emails, phone calls or chat sessions before he makes a date with you, then the chances are strong that he’s not a list guy. If the focus of his first contact with you is on setting up a meeting, and nothing is going to deter him from that goal, the chances are better that he’s a list guy. Then when you meet him the rest of the list applies exactly as written. Make sense now?
How do I know this? I am seeing a list man who responded to my online dating site ad. Yes, I have a hard date for marriage. Yes, the list is true. It’s not retro at all. Men haven’t changed as much as we think they should have. Just because we may think it’s old fashioned to wait until the guy makes these moves doesn’t mean they do. This is just how guys are. They need to make certain moves to feel that they want you. Guys are very goal oriented. They move swiftly when they mean business. If they don’t engage in real goal directed behavior with you the chances are they’re not a list guy. Even when a guy says he is not a list guy but still means business he is either full of it or fooling himself. Every single time a guy is that serious about starting a relationship with someone he will at least roughly follow those points. After 50 years on this planet and much experience with the opposite sex with guys both younger and older, I can safely say that this list still applies. Best of luck to you, Kristine.
4 Dan // Jan 24, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Jesus. Let nature takes it’s course and don’t try to manipulate each other into doing what you want them to do. Unless, of course, you like drama and resentment at
5 confused // Dec 12, 2007 at 2:34 pm
if you already have a “List Man” why do you need to win a copy of the book?
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