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Beat The Engagement Blues!
Most fiancées experience "unbride-like" emotions, says an expert. Here's why.
by Allison Moir-Smith
The rare times I admitted to my conflicting emotions, I generally heard one pat response: “It’s a rite of passage,” family and friends would say. “Of course you’re having a hard time.” But what was a rite of passage, and how could I go through mine more gracefully?
I’d just completed my master’s degree in counseling psychology, so I took myself on as a client, so to speak, to explore and understand what the hell was going on with me.
All that self-analysis paid off: Six weeks before our wedding, the clouds lifted, and I felt genuinely happy and ready to get married.
Now I try to help other brides feel the same way. Most are afraid to give in to their sadness and fear, thinking that once they turn on the faucet, it’ll never shut off. In reality, emotions work the opposite way.
When strong emotions are not felt, they grow in power. Facing—and feeling—negative emotions cleans house of fear and sadness, doubt and worry, and makes room once again for feelings of joy, excitement, and happiness.
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1 Sharilee // Mar 10, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Thank you so, so much for writing this article. It has really helped to calm my fears and confirm what I already believed: that I am going through a crisis now, of losing one stage of my life, and going through another. (I am getting married in two weeks.)
2 R // May 25, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Thank God for this article. I sat in front of the computer with sever anxiety over my future husband and this article helped calm me down; at least now I know these crazy feelings of mine are not just mine.
3 joanie // Aug 12, 2006 at 4:52 pm
as an older (40s) bride-to-be, i was already feeling some of the things described in the article… it was good to see that i’m not totally off-base in what seems to my friends as ambivalence about the wedding… it’s a huge day, but it’s just a day, i’ll be married to my fiance forever… i also hope this will help younger brides-to-be with any jittery feelings, or cold feet… nothing worth having comes without a little fear, and being able to be sure of your decision is very important…
4 joanie // Aug 12, 2006 at 4:52 pm
as an older (40s) bride-to-be, i was already feeling some of the things described in the article… it was good to see that i’m not totally off-base in what seems to my friends as ambivalence about the wedding… it’s a huge day, but it’s just a day, i’ll be married to my fiance forever… i also hope this will help younger brides-to-be with any jittery feelings, or cold feet… nothing worth having comes without a little fear, and being able to be sure of your decision is very important…
5 Anonymous // Jul 15, 2006 at 12:51 am
I have been engaged for almost a year and have a year left til the wedding…and I am going through the engagement blues right now. This article was awesome. There have been many times that I have questioned if my fiance is right for me, but in my heart I always have known he is…this article helped validate some of my feelings of doubt and anxiety and see that what I am going through is normal. Thank you!
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