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Beat The Engagement Blues!
Most fiancées experience "unbride-like" emotions, says an expert. Here's why.
by Allison Moir-Smith
Why? When brides-to-be begin to put their future spouses first (the healthy thing to do), families often act up and act out. They channel their feelings of abandonment, fear, and sadness about the impending loss of their child into the wedding.
Most brides-to-be say they feel alienated from or angry at their families for much of their engagements.
Fantasy: Engagement party! Bachelorette party! Bridal shower! Being engaged is all about parties!
Reality: You may find that you need more time alone.
Why? Loosening your grip on your identities as a single woman, daughter, and girlfriend can be destabilizing to your sense of self. Thus, after the initial excitement of announcing the big news, many brides-to-be go into hibernation so they can adjust to the changes.
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1 Sharilee // Mar 10, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Thank you so, so much for writing this article. It has really helped to calm my fears and confirm what I already believed: that I am going through a crisis now, of losing one stage of my life, and going through another. (I am getting married in two weeks.)
2 R // May 25, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Thank God for this article. I sat in front of the computer with sever anxiety over my future husband and this article helped calm me down; at least now I know these crazy feelings of mine are not just mine.
3 joanie // Aug 12, 2006 at 4:52 pm
as an older (40s) bride-to-be, i was already feeling some of the things described in the article… it was good to see that i’m not totally off-base in what seems to my friends as ambivalence about the wedding… it’s a huge day, but it’s just a day, i’ll be married to my fiance forever… i also hope this will help younger brides-to-be with any jittery feelings, or cold feet… nothing worth having comes without a little fear, and being able to be sure of your decision is very important…
4 joanie // Aug 12, 2006 at 4:52 pm
as an older (40s) bride-to-be, i was already feeling some of the things described in the article… it was good to see that i’m not totally off-base in what seems to my friends as ambivalence about the wedding… it’s a huge day, but it’s just a day, i’ll be married to my fiance forever… i also hope this will help younger brides-to-be with any jittery feelings, or cold feet… nothing worth having comes without a little fear, and being able to be sure of your decision is very important…
5 Anonymous // Jul 15, 2006 at 12:51 am
I have been engaged for almost a year and have a year left til the wedding…and I am going through the engagement blues right now. This article was awesome. There have been many times that I have questioned if my fiance is right for me, but in my heart I always have known he is…this article helped validate some of my feelings of doubt and anxiety and see that what I am going through is normal. Thank you!
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