|
How To Make Long-Distance Love Work
Make your bond strong enough to weather the distance.
by Mary E. Morrison
My heart went out to Russell Crowe when the bad-boy superstar was arrested and charged with second-degree assault and fourth-degree criminal possession of a weapon after attacking an employee at the Mercer Hotel in New York. As Crowe later explained to David Letterman, he had repeatedly tried and failed to call his wife in Australia. I’m not condoning the use of a phone as a weapon, of course, but long-distance relationships can be tough enough to make even the calmest person edgy, much less a hard-rocking gladiator with a temper.
When I heard about Crowe’s rage, I’d just spent three months apart from my husband, Andy, in Tours, France, attending a language institute and living with an unconventional host couple in their fifties. (By “unconventional,” I mean that they had matching red leather pants. He gardened in his Speedo. Their home had leopard- and zebra-print decor and dozens of stuffed—by a taxidermist—animals. I’ve seen her breasts. Have I said enough?)
My first reaction on the day I arrived, exactly six months after Andy and I were married, was not aggression but something akin to hysteria. Exhausted by 15 hours of travel, I actually cried in my coq au vin when my hosts, who had already revealed their penchant for public displays of affection, asked me how my husband felt about my leaving him for so long. Later that night, despair escalated into a tantrum to rival Crowe’s when I discovered I had only one minute’s worth of prepaid cell-phone time left.
It’s a scenario many know all too well. Despite the teary goodbyes, lonely nights, flight delays, and outrageous phone bills, an estimated 14 million Americans are currently in LDRs, according to the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships. That number includes couples of all kinds, from those who fell for each other while living on opposite coasts to those who’ve been married for years but decided to live apart while she takes that plum international assignment or he goes back to school.
How do they do it? The simple answer is that, barring the occasional attack on a hotel clerk, long-distance relationships can work—and work well. Research suggests that they don’t break up at any greater rate than traditional, geographically close ones. Plus, multiple studies have found that LDR couples’ levels of relationship satisfaction, intimacy, trust, and commitment are identical to their geographically close counterparts. LDR couples might worry more about infidelity, but they don’t actually cheat more.
 (1 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ... |
Email to a Friend
Share on Facebook
Digg It
Delicious
Newsvine
Stumble
Reddit
1 Lauren // Oct 4, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I have been in a LDR for 9 months while my boyfriend is stationed elsewhere with the military. I can totally relate to the stages described in this article. At first I was just angry about the whole thing and tried everything to find away around being in a LDR. After some time, I grew used to the idea that this was something that was although difficult, very important for us to get through together. We have a great sense of trust with each other and know that we are allowed to focus on our own lives but still be in this relationship. My advice to anyone would be to establish what you expect out of your partner before the separation. That way, you both have a clear understanding of how this is all going to work. How much will you talk? Will you talk over the phone, through texts, emails, webcam? Do not sugarcoat or embellish on how much you will talk bc it will lead to resentment if you don’t follow through. My other piece of advice is to pick your battles. You are going to argue much more than you normally do, its normal, you are both stressed about being away. Learn to let the little things go, its going to save you lots of time and anger in the long run. Finally, get a webcam. Nothing makes it much better than a good old fashioned web-cam experience. So helpful if you are lonely!
2 Gal Friday // Sep 19, 2008 at 6:26 pm
[…] their rebellious teenage daughter Julie (Aimee Teegarden). And they’ve been tested by long-distance separation and the appearance of her old flame, but adversity seems to make them stronger. “We have a […]
3 Caitlyn // Jul 25, 2008 at 8:00 pm
I’ve been in a LDR for two months so far and it can be a heartbreaker sometimes. Tyler (My bf) lives in Colorado and I’m in Arizona. He will see me again at the end of August, but everyone says I don’t know him so well, but they know nothing. Most of my friends say I should break up with him because it’s useless.
I met Tyler on a short vacation to Colorado to see my dad and I hung out with him for about a week. If you believe in love at first sight, I fell for him instantly. I left and I didn’t tell him until I received his phone number by mail. I wanted to hear his voice when I told him, but he actually told me first. Tyler confessed to me a week and a half after I left. I became his girlfriend a week later.
The reason why I’d think it would work is because he tells me that I’m the only person who talks to him and he loves hearing my laugh and my voice comforts him. The scary thing is that my ex said the same thing and he broke up with me two months before I met Tyler.
The reason why I don’t is because boys are boys and they can do anything, plus, Tyler says everything Chris (my ex) said, and it can end up in a tangled mess of drama for me like it did with my ex.
But I’m excited for Tyler to see me and I know he’s excited because he talks about it. My BFF, Debbie, tells me that LDRs are better than regular. Her theory is that LDRs make one (or both) want to see the other and regular relationships have one and one together (literally together) and it may cause the other (or both) to get sick of each other.
I call and talk to Tyler every night when minutes are free and on those nights he tells me he loves me and he misses me.
The reason why it’s all so early is because when I was a child, my father left our family. I talk to him every day and when I see him once or twice a year, I want to be with him more. Kind of like Tyler, except, studies shown that if a girl lost her father at a young age, there would be an urge for male attention. If a guy breaks up with me one day, the next, I’d probably be urging for love.
What do you think?
4 Connie // Jul 16, 2008 at 10:13 am
I’ve been in an LDR for a year now - and surprisingly it’s the easiest relationship I’ve been in. (by easy I mean it’s easy to love my boyfriend and easy to be with him) It’s hard knowing that we have to go months without seeing one another, but we handle it quite well. (webcams are wonderful)
Being in an LDR has given us the opportunity to grow and to be independent people. We’ve both been in relationships where we were suffocated by our significant other, so for us having our own space is important. Not to say that we wouldn’t LOVE being able to live next door to one another, but in the long run it’s benefiting us greatly. The level of trust we have combined with our communication skills gained from the distance lets us know that we can handle anything life throws us.
LDRs work as long as you are willing to put in the time and effort.
5 John Michael // Jun 30, 2008 at 11:30 pm
SO LAME … where’s the plot? no reccommendations just a fluff story!
Read All 70 Comments on How To Make Long-Distance Love Work