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How To Make Long-Distance Love Work
Make your bond strong enough to weather the distance.
by Mary E. Morrison
Researchers at the now-defunct Media Lab Europe in Dublin, Ireland, developed a prototype aiming to create that same perception of togetherness using “radio frequency identification” technology to network furniture (no, that’s not a typo). For instance, you might be sitting in your living room, and an image of a coffee cup would suddenly appear on your coffee table, alerting you that your partner was enjoying his morning coffee. One of the lead researchers, Dipak Patel, who also works for British Telecom, hopes to pick the project up again soon. Although it might sound a little bizarre—and there are some inevitable privacy complications—the basic awareness of your partner’s “presence” might help maintain the intimacy that’s so important.
Of course, there will never be a real substitute for living in the same place as your significant other. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t disclose the fact that, after my return, Andy and I had several discussions about space—namely, that in the three months I was gone, he’d developed the habit of sleeping spread-eagle, taking up the whole damn bed. But in the end, living apart allowed us to expand ourselves by adapting who we are as a couple. It may not be matching red-leather pants, but that’s my kind of marriage.
Mary E. Morrison is a freelance writer who lives in Chicago.
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1 Roxie // Nov 2, 2008 at 2:49 am
Great article. I especially enjoyed the description of the kinds of intimacy that are important, and the explanation of the phases of “missing.”
Communication is everything.
2 Lauren // Oct 4, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I have been in a LDR for 9 months while my boyfriend is stationed elsewhere with the military. I can totally relate to the stages described in this article. At first I was just angry about the whole thing and tried everything to find away around being in a LDR. After some time, I grew used to the idea that this was something that was although difficult, very important for us to get through together. We have a great sense of trust with each other and know that we are allowed to focus on our own lives but still be in this relationship. My advice to anyone would be to establish what you expect out of your partner before the separation. That way, you both have a clear understanding of how this is all going to work. How much will you talk? Will you talk over the phone, through texts, emails, webcam? Do not sugarcoat or embellish on how much you will talk bc it will lead to resentment if you don’t follow through. My other piece of advice is to pick your battles. You are going to argue much more than you normally do, its normal, you are both stressed about being away. Learn to let the little things go, its going to save you lots of time and anger in the long run. Finally, get a webcam. Nothing makes it much better than a good old fashioned web-cam experience. So helpful if you are lonely!
3 Gal Friday // Sep 19, 2008 at 6:26 pm
[…] their rebellious teenage daughter Julie (Aimee Teegarden). And they’ve been tested by long-distance separation and the appearance of her old flame, but adversity seems to make them stronger. “We have a […]
4 Caitlyn // Jul 25, 2008 at 8:00 pm
I’ve been in a LDR for two months so far and it can be a heartbreaker sometimes. Tyler (My bf) lives in Colorado and I’m in Arizona. He will see me again at the end of August, but everyone says I don’t know him so well, but they know nothing. Most of my friends say I should break up with him because it’s useless.
I met Tyler on a short vacation to Colorado to see my dad and I hung out with him for about a week. If you believe in love at first sight, I fell for him instantly. I left and I didn’t tell him until I received his phone number by mail. I wanted to hear his voice when I told him, but he actually told me first. Tyler confessed to me a week and a half after I left. I became his girlfriend a week later.
The reason why I’d think it would work is because he tells me that I’m the only person who talks to him and he loves hearing my laugh and my voice comforts him. The scary thing is that my ex said the same thing and he broke up with me two months before I met Tyler.
The reason why I don’t is because boys are boys and they can do anything, plus, Tyler says everything Chris (my ex) said, and it can end up in a tangled mess of drama for me like it did with my ex.
But I’m excited for Tyler to see me and I know he’s excited because he talks about it. My BFF, Debbie, tells me that LDRs are better than regular. Her theory is that LDRs make one (or both) want to see the other and regular relationships have one and one together (literally together) and it may cause the other (or both) to get sick of each other.
I call and talk to Tyler every night when minutes are free and on those nights he tells me he loves me and he misses me.
The reason why it’s all so early is because when I was a child, my father left our family. I talk to him every day and when I see him once or twice a year, I want to be with him more. Kind of like Tyler, except, studies shown that if a girl lost her father at a young age, there would be an urge for male attention. If a guy breaks up with me one day, the next, I’d probably be urging for love.
What do you think?
5 Connie // Jul 16, 2008 at 10:13 am
I’ve been in an LDR for a year now - and surprisingly it’s the easiest relationship I’ve been in. (by easy I mean it’s easy to love my boyfriend and easy to be with him) It’s hard knowing that we have to go months without seeing one another, but we handle it quite well. (webcams are wonderful)
Being in an LDR has given us the opportunity to grow and to be independent people. We’ve both been in relationships where we were suffocated by our significant other, so for us having our own space is important. Not to say that we wouldn’t LOVE being able to live next door to one another, but in the long run it’s benefiting us greatly. The level of trust we have combined with our communication skills gained from the distance lets us know that we can handle anything life throws us.
LDRs work as long as you are willing to put in the time and effort.
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