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Living Alone And Loving It
by Abigail Essman
Here are the things I know for sure: I sleep better with socks on; I prefer Dutch chocolate to Swiss; I look lousy in black and will always wear it anyway; and I will never, never live with a man again.
Ever since I was a small child, I’ve wondered why people should have to live together. It’s wonderful when you want to be together, mind you, but what about when you don’t? Doesn’t it make more sense to have the option, either way?
I’m not talking about families here, of course; obviously children need to be with their parents and parents need one another’s help with the kids (though I think in principle it might not be a bad idea for each parent to get a day or two off every week). But for everyone else, I just don’ t see the point.
Not that I haven’t done it. For better or worse—and there’s always way too much “worse” for my taste — I’ve lived with three men in my life: one at the age of 22, one at 35, and one at 38. In each case, it took about a year and a half of living together, inescapably, day after day, until the relationship fell apart. I’d been crazy about these guys before that: two of them I’d even planned to marry. The third proposed to me while we were sharing a home, and I said no.
I can figure that one out.
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1 Kate // May 14, 2008 at 2:46 pm
I am so happy reading this article, and the posts that have followed. I am not alone! I can remember being in junior high, and telling my mother that if I ever get married, I want he and I to have houses next door to each other, not share one. At that young age, I didn’t fully grasp what I was saying, I just knew what I meant. I never really changed my mind on that idea, but found myself moving in with a man when I was 23. I was happy with him when I moved in…I was extremely unhappy within 6 months. When I finally moved out 5 years later, (I know, horrible), my first night in my new place, while quiet and empty…felt SO wonderful. I have dated on and off since then, but seem to come up against a bit of trouble when I admit that I don’t want to move in with someone or even if I ever want to be married. So far, I haven’t found the guy that is open to that…maybe I never will. But one thing I do know…I’ll always love my own space.
2 Anne L. // Feb 24, 2008 at 7:48 am
Living alone and dancing Tango…
3 Aida // Jan 20, 2008 at 8:05 pm
This article was very interesting considering I have recently realized that I have NEVER lived alone. I am 39 and just moved out of my ex’s house.This is a bit scary, but I like the part about buying myself some roses, painting, and decorating…finding myself at 39…this I see can be a good thing.
4 cajungirl // Nov 25, 2007 at 7:50 am
I married at the age of 17…divorced at 21 and remarried at 21. I have never lived alone and now that I’m 39 and my son has moved out I have the burning desire to leave my controlling, smothering husband and be by myself. thanks for the comments because it just reconfirms my decision. For anyone who hasn’t been told what your every move should be in your life….you wouldn’t understand this. I’m scared because he has basically convinced me that he needs me and I don’t make good decisions without him….I will prove him wrong….. the idea of decorating my own place(he’s never let me do that) is so exciting…………………….Las Vegas here I come!
5 Sparkina // Feb 25, 2007 at 9:48 pm
I respect the author’s opinion, but I don’t think I would want that for myself. When i find my heart’s true hero, I want to make a home and a life with him and have him be more than just a visitor in my home and my life, and be more than just a visitor in his home and life. If this arrangement makes other people happy, I say go for it, but I couldn’t see that for myself
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