|
Living Alone And Loving It
by Abigail Essman
And so I’ve determined: I keep my place, he keeps his. Instant two-home family. I’m a person who values solitude; when I’m on a writing spree I can go weeks without seeing him. The silence is transcendent. There is no one moving books around, leaving socks on floors, misplacing ashtrays. No one dictates what time I eat or peeks through a door to catch me in the ungainly act of picking at a zit; no deliciously warm and tantalizing body lures me back into bed when the alarm goes off at 4 am and I should be — and want to be — writing.
Unless I want it that way.
My current boyfriend is one of the men I once lived with. Since then, he’s moved from our tiny apartment to a house — a real house, with three bedrooms, an eat-in kitchen, an upstairs and a down. Sometimes I spend a few days there at a time. It is always difficult to leave. It is also always great to come home — at once comforting, liberating, exciting, even: what adventures await me here, in my own place, in the soft white whispers of my own private sanctuary, between my pen and my notebooks and me? There are days I scarcely leave my desk. I don’t have to. I don’t want to. And that’s the end of it.
This time, our relationship is working. I get the best of both the single life and the coupled life.
Including the romance: We make dates. When he arrives, I am showered and combed and my lipstick is fresh. Some might say that this isn’t real life, but it’s our real life. When he kisses me, even after seven years together (on and off), it’s new; it’s our first date, or a second, or a third. There is never a moment when we are together by hazard, just because we happen to live in the same house. We spend time with one another because we want to.
 (No Ratings Yet) Loading ... |
Email to a Friend
Share on Facebook
Digg It
Delicious
Newsvine
Stumble
Reddit
1 Ngaire // Nov 22, 2008 at 1:43 am
Yay for breaking the convention! Society is so different from when we needed our “hunter” male to protect us from the wild beasts.
Its very hard to break social conditioning - you are female therefore you must get married and have children and co-habit. Good on you woman who are looking after what you want!
I am single with 2 dogs and whilst I would like to share this with a partner - I really don’t want to kick my dogs off the bed for a guy to fit in. I like my space and the concept of 2 abodes is great.
If you find that a little too much but still want your own space, try the old English version - separate rooms. Can still be spicy.
Now we just have to convince the guys that its a good idea
2 deborah // Nov 19, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I was reading other comments on this site and I am not alone. Is it healthy to be this happy choosing to be alone? I don’t want any partner and feel very strong about it.I haven’t been serious about a man in 14years nor care to be. I guess 5 marriages burnt me out.I was an only child and am totally content being alone.
3 deborah // Nov 19, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I feel every woman should be a home owner. I have a project going on all the time and am pleased with my outcome. I share my results with my friends & family. I love being single and alone. I enjoy my own company and make sure its not all work & no play. I am not looking for a partner and really think I could live without one. When I was dying I was single & alone but God seem to fill my day with visitors. I have married 5 times-never lasting a year. I don’t like living with another yet I enjoyed raising my kids and see them often. I read on line that there are others enjoy their own company also it brings my strength to my choices.I recently went on a trip with a male friend and we share a double bed room and it validated me why I will never marry again. The t.v. sound bother him,so I went to Walgreens and brought wireless head phones but then the light from the t.v. bothered him. I work 3rd shift and hes a dayshifter so we were on different sleep scheldues, that brought our sight seeing a ugly event, with us having conflict. I can sleep threw noise,lights and alarms. When I tired-I sleep and sight see late in the day.I can tour by myself with no problem or have dinner, see a show alone. I know there are others like me now by checking out the web sites. God bless that we have a larger number of options to make choices by.Single and alone and loving it.
4 katie // Nov 3, 2008 at 10:33 pm
i’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years and i moved out about a 2 years ago. we didn’t break up. we just have separate places. before that, we lived together for 6 years. why did i move out? because i noticed how miserable he was living with me.
he needed to figure things out about himself and i moved out to give him time to think. now he seems incredibly happy and i’m miserable. i despise living alone. he loves it. he’s a loner.
what i’ve figured out from this whole experience is that i have spent too much time alone in my childhood to want to be alone now.
we love each other, but now what? he has no plans for us to move back in together and yet tells me that he wants to be with me forever. so what do i do? wait? it seems that one of us has to be miserable in order for the other to be happy.
5 Lani Elm // Sep 14, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I feel you. I didn’t feel alive until I moved out of my mom’s house and into my own apartment. It feels awesome!
Read All 38 Comments on Living Alone And Loving It