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For Some Couples One Kid Is Enough
A mother of one considers her waning fertility but chooses her life as is.
by Karen Karbo
It was all good, if lacking passion. After our girl was born, the inevitable gender differences came—and yes, I’m sorry to report, they are inevitable. Like many fathers, he was sidelined until he could relate to our daughter as something more than a miraculous contraption specializing in moving milk through her tiny alimentary canal.
Meanwhile, I submitted to my hardwiring and became her devoted servant. She was an exemplary baby: a champion sleeper, a straightforward eater, and so healthy that the first time she threw up she was old enough to say, “Mom! The Cocoa Puffs were on the inside and now they’re on the outside!” She was—and remains—perfect.
Her father was more involved than many men. He took her for hours at a time, could feed her and change her without needing an audience. (I have a handful of friends whose husbands are happy to do the dirty work of parenting, as long as their contributions are noted and rewarded.)
Soon, he had a relationship with her, I had a relationship with her, but he and I no longer had a relationship with each other.
We limped along, hired babysitters so we could go on proper dates, and spent money we didn’t have on so-called romantic getaways. These were agonizing occasions, because they underscored what we’d never really had: a passionate attachment. In the end, all of our buried passions were directed toward our magnificent daughter.
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1 Anonymous // Nov 12, 2006 at 8:48 pm
I have two wonderful children with my fiance. One is two, the other is one. The two-year old is a mama’s boy,but that is ok. My fiance and I do find time to make love. We also find time to be romantic,even if it is just a little kiss, holding of the hands or a hug. Juts because we had children,our love life didn’t die.
2 lynn // Sep 20, 2006 at 5:38 pm
The writer is right on the mark.After our miracle son was born,the jealousy started,The sex left and indifference to any sex life went south.Anger set in,depression started and then I had two kids one still a baby and the other a 38yr old baby vying for my attention.I solved the problem by working 40 hr wks and 24 hr wekends.Then let my husband move 650 miles away to take care of his folks.It came to a head after I relocated under pressure to be by his side.And now with an Order of Protection against him (5th degree assult)I struggle to keep a roof over our heads and love each new miracle day with my son.