The Ultimate Bedroom Playlist

by Dean Chandler

Guys are just as bad, responding in kind to some equally mind-numbing songs, like Guns N’ Roses’ “Sweet Child of Mine.” Don’t get me wrong—I love Axl, with his hairspray and tight rattlesnake pants, as much as the next guy. But at the first note of that telltale opening riff, she’ll inevitably go find her friends and head to the bathroom.

Some songs just won’t get you any closer to each other. Others have a lot of promise in the abstract, but are tricky to wield effectively, and depend on timing. For instance, AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” has heat, but do you break it out after dinner and a hand-holding walk home? Unless you just ate corndogs and curly fries with a girl who wears an ankle bracelet and walks barefoot across parking lots to bum Marlboro Reds, the answer is no.

And ladies, when you’ve got him where you want him and his head is somewhere between your ankles and your brow, please refrain from putting on Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl.” Oh, he’ll still sleep with you—but you’ll be buying your own breakfast.

Sure, everyone’s got a unique “key” to achieving the good kind of sweaty, and some people’s turn-ons are quirkier than others. But for most men and women, there’s a small, magic universe of the right songs—in the right sequence— that can work like a bottle of tequila: They’ll loosen inhibitions, bring emotions to the surface, and grease the wheels on the love train. (Without the jail time and nail-in-the-skull hangover.)

My soundtrack will have you getting much less sleep from the moment you press “play.” Or, for one-stop shopping, grab anything by the late, great Chris Whitley. Just trust me: Go buy his albums, get thee to iTunes, pillage your friends’ CD collections, whatever it takes. Because when you hit all the right notes, you’ll both feel like dancing.

Dean Chandler is a Tango contributing editor