Relocating For Love

by Jill Johnson

“When two people with different realities stay in respectful dialogue, a transformation can occur—a new reality, some new option that neither one considered alone.” For instance, they might have agreed to stay in Europe until they had children, and then return to the States.

Most couples end up moving together for one partner’s career. Not Anil Kumar and his wife, Gloria Gangte, who have lived apart for most of their 11-year relationship. “When we met, I was in the military and she was studying. I had two months leave per year. The rest of the time we wrote long letters— we had no Internet, no phone,” explains Anil.

The couple got married in 2000 and moved to Spain in July 2002, when Gloria, a diplomat, got a post at the Indian Embassy in Madrid. In April 2003, Anil left for a year to do an MBA course. They were together long enough to have a baby girl. Then Gloria was assigned to a post in Argentina, so off they went—Gloria and the baby that is; Anil has stayed in Madrid for his job in finance. They connect by email daily and visit as much as they can. “We’ll see each other a few months a year for the next three years,” says Anil, matter-of-factly, “but it’s not the quantity of time, it’s the quality.”

Hendrix responds to this adage with caution: “The relationship will change if you don’t spend a lot of time together, because everyone changes every day.” But Anil, who says he and Gloria always pick up right where they left off, has a cultural explanation for their happy union: They’re Indian. “In the part of the world we come from, there’s a very low rate of divorce,” he says. “Once you are married, you are married for life. That gives us a lot of strength and comfort.”

I contemplated whether my husband and I ought to try a transatlantic arrangement, should his job in Europe outlast my patience for language barriers and stroller-hostile airports.