When Money Masks Couples’ Real Problems

by Martha Baer

The lesson here is that in many “money” breakups, subtle (or not-so-subtle) signs often point to the infinite complexity of human psychology. Commonly expressed emotions include: cravings for attention, fears of the unknown, or judgments about class, among any number of other conflicts.

Deep problems like mistrust or resentment can be transformed into stinginess or financial recklessness.

And when you think about it, almost everyone has some kind of money problem: an easy, breezy substitute for things we’re too busy to analyze, or too ashamed to confess. So if you’re fixating on a money fight, you might be missing the point. And make sure to remember that, as therapist Lois Gold puts it, “It’s not what the conflict is about that causes a breakup. It’s how the conflict is handled. Each person needs to be heard and understood.”