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How To Know If He’s “The One”
Why roll the dice when you can know the right answer?
by Rachel Greenwald
I was in college the night I met him. And even after all these years, the thing I remember most is the unexpected, very physical shiver that immediately ran up my spine when he looked at me. He’s It, that shiver said.
We talked, we flirted, we had our first date two days later. I fell hard. I loved that he was sweet, but not saccharine. I loved that he was Jewish, but not too Jewish. I loved that he was a fan of Hot Tamales, the candy I ate by the truckload back then. And (OK, call me shallow) I loved that he was an Ivy League graduate.
Our odds were good: I was 20, he was 23, and we added up to the perfect couple. Except that after three years, as I was busy trying to drop the subtle hint that my ring size was 6 3/4, he was busy cheating on me. I found out, we broke up, and let’s just say the next six months weren’t pretty.
I’m still not sure what got to me the most: the rejection or the fact that I had truly believed, in my gut, that my boyfriend was The One. So if that first shiver, followed by a fabulous three-year relationship, wasn’t the telltale sign, how does anyone ever know who’s right for them in the long run?
Apparently, I’m not the only person who has struggled with this question. It came up again last summer, at my client Amy’s wedding. I was seated at the “singles table,” since brides often like to treat their unattached friends to my dating advice.
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1 Josie // Oct 6, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I’m not quite sure yet if he’s the one for me…he’s really sweet and he treats me better than any of my other Ex’s and I feel like he might be the one and he feels the same…but I have my doubts sometimes…if you have any additional help please e-mail me at:
monkeys_rule170@hotmail.com
2 racquel // Sep 22, 2008 at 7:08 am
That was a nice story…like my love experienced with my bf..I love you James.
3 erin // Aug 10, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Love your advice and story! I’m for sure in the honeymoon period with the guy I met 4 months ago but started dating a little over a month ago. He makes me feel so special and I have never let my thick metal wall around my heart, down so easy, since my bad breakup 3 years ago! When i’m around him I feel safe and so comfortable, that the wall disapears like it never even exsisted! He actually tells me how he feels about me……but mostly with his actions. We have so many interest and hobbies in common…..that we can talk for hours. It’s all moving really fast and usually someone in the relationship gets scared away but, it gets better and better each time we see eachother and I have never starred into somebody’s eyes so much……it’s like we are trying to read eachothers mind and the scary thing is…..we are usually thinking the same thing and we both stop breathing and have o gasp for air. I was in a 5 year relationship and thought i was in love. Since i have met this guy….i have felt feelings that i have never expeirenced and am feeling so head over heals at this point. He has expressed the same feelings for me and I feel it everytime we are together. The feelings are great and at the same time…..miserable in a good way. I think about him all day and dream about seeing him again. Trying to take it slow but….when we are together…..the chemistry takes over and we are lost in every moment we have and it never felt so right! Uugh……any opinions?
4 Karen // Aug 4, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Very wise commentary and advice. Thanks.
5 Patty // Jun 16, 2008 at 10:16 am
Wow! I thought I was alone in these feelings but you have showed me that doubts can occur, that I can feel certain ways, but that I do love him more than anything and that this “soulmate” thing is what you make it. My story is identical to yours.
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