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How To Know If He’s “The One”
Why roll the dice when you can know the right answer?
by Rachel Greenwald
“Then let’s take it one year at a time. Publicly, we’ll say our vows, ‘until death do us part.’ But privately, we’ll have our own little arrangement. Each year on our anniversary, I’ll ask you if you want to renew. We’ll do this a year at a time. Can you do that?” Overwhelmed by the generosity of his answer, I said that I could. And I did.
These days, my job is to help single men and women find the right mate—and it’s never simple. No one is perfect. Everyone has baggage. And when they’re in that last stage of dating, trying to decide whether or not to make it permanent, my clients usually ask for my opinion. Do I think they should marry this one? Sometimes I say yes, sometimes no. But the truth is, I have no idea.
Making that decision is like skydiving: It’s a crazy thing to do if you think about it logically, but you pray that the ride down will be exhilarating and that you’ll land on your feet. And in my experience, people take that leap of faith with naïve confidence.
Of course, some factors do seem to improve the odds—especially age. I see fewer unhappy couples among those who get married later in life, specifically after 35. This is largely because they’re making the decision to marry with more life experience under their belts.
They’re also committing to a fully formed person. Next comes personality. I’ve observed that opposites who complement each other often do very well. If you marry someone who’s too similar—especially emotionally—you may wind up bored or in conflict.
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1 Josie // Oct 6, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I’m not quite sure yet if he’s the one for me…he’s really sweet and he treats me better than any of my other Ex’s and I feel like he might be the one and he feels the same…but I have my doubts sometimes…if you have any additional help please e-mail me at:
monkeys_rule170@hotmail.com
2 racquel // Sep 22, 2008 at 7:08 am
That was a nice story…like my love experienced with my bf..I love you James.
3 erin // Aug 10, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Love your advice and story! I’m for sure in the honeymoon period with the guy I met 4 months ago but started dating a little over a month ago. He makes me feel so special and I have never let my thick metal wall around my heart, down so easy, since my bad breakup 3 years ago! When i’m around him I feel safe and so comfortable, that the wall disapears like it never even exsisted! He actually tells me how he feels about me……but mostly with his actions. We have so many interest and hobbies in common…..that we can talk for hours. It’s all moving really fast and usually someone in the relationship gets scared away but, it gets better and better each time we see eachother and I have never starred into somebody’s eyes so much……it’s like we are trying to read eachothers mind and the scary thing is…..we are usually thinking the same thing and we both stop breathing and have o gasp for air. I was in a 5 year relationship and thought i was in love. Since i have met this guy….i have felt feelings that i have never expeirenced and am feeling so head over heals at this point. He has expressed the same feelings for me and I feel it everytime we are together. The feelings are great and at the same time…..miserable in a good way. I think about him all day and dream about seeing him again. Trying to take it slow but….when we are together…..the chemistry takes over and we are lost in every moment we have and it never felt so right! Uugh……any opinions?
4 Karen // Aug 4, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Very wise commentary and advice. Thanks.
5 Patty // Jun 16, 2008 at 10:16 am
Wow! I thought I was alone in these feelings but you have showed me that doubts can occur, that I can feel certain ways, but that I do love him more than anything and that this “soulmate” thing is what you make it. My story is identical to yours.
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