Spiritual Sex: 10 Erotic Commandments

by Thomas Moore

There are practical steps to go with these “commandments.” Realize the importance, men and women, of taking care of your bodies: being clean, smelling nice, dressing well. Pay attention, as well, to what you say, talking with some intelligence and thoughtfulness. Choose the setting and props carefully: good oils, fragrances, linens. Spiritual rituals are always carried out with attention to detail and with beauty. Have an image nearby that captures the union of sex and spirit: a photograph of one of the couples on the Indian temples of Khajuraho or Konorak, for instance, or a picture of blue Krishna with his gopis and his girlfriend Radha.

I have a special love of early Renaissance paintings of the Annunciation, the moment when an angel appears to tell Mary that she is with child by the Holy Spirit. There are hundreds of these paintings, and I always look to see how they depict the spiritual semen, often as a gold stream shooting down from a bird to the uterus of the Virgin. In sex,we make contact with the divine through our partner. The more vision and care that goes into our sexuality, the more it serves as a conduit to the spirit.

Sensuality and spirituality work hand in hand for the benefit of each. You can be so focused on the physical that you have no vision, no ideas, and no values. Everything becomes about the self. But if you have a spiritual life, you are on your way out of narcissism. Nothing is more harmful to good sex than narcissism, which is a neurotic worry about your own value. The only way to deal with narcissism is to love yourself in a calm, unexaggerated way. Spiritual reflection can bring you to that point, and, in fact, spiritual literature is full of advice on how to get the self or ego out of the way. The very attitude that brings you to the pinnacle of spirit is great for your sexuality.

The reverse is also true. If you are a highly sexual and sensual person, your spirituality will be grounded. The greatest danger in the spiritual life is to lose contact with reality. You begin to believe in the most far-fetched things. You think of yourself as better than anyone else, as possessing the one and only truth. Ultimately, you may become too hard on yourself in an effort to be as acceptable and as pure as possible. These are extremes that a good sensual life can tame. (Some people become so negative about the body that they fall victim to anorexia and bulimia, and fascinating studies have been made on the connection between spiritual fasting and eating disorders. I have worked in therapy with people like this and have noticed that their dreams are sometimes full of sensual orgies, telling them, I imagine,where they need to go.)

Spirituality without sensuality tends to be aggressive, even turning mean and punitive. I often contemplate the wonderful painting by Botticelli of Mars and Venus. Most commentators see it as the goddess of love taming the god of war. That painting contains a dynamic that plays out in the hearts and souls of us all. No doubt that there is a close connection between sexual repression and extreme aggression. But even in our more ordinary lives,we might be less depressed and mean-spirited if our spirituality were softened by comfortable and visionary sex.