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She’s 28, He’s 58: They Made It Work
Lucinda Franks reflects on 30 years of marriage with a man 30 years older.
by Lucinda Franks
He became a good news source, but who knew it was more than news he wanted to share? I, somewhat of a hippie,was living with a draft resister from the Vietnam War—who liked to answer the phone. He never told me about Bob Morgenthau’s calls. Then Bob was elected New York district attorney while I was on a trip to the Colorado mountains with the draft resister, scouting out a place to live and write my novel. The night before I was to finally leave the city, Bob called and convinced me to go to a fancy party. I agreed, thinking he wanted to pass along one last story before I gave up my job at The New York Times. In the middle of the party, Jackie Onassis—at the time still a recluse— came radiantly through the door, and even the snootiest guests stared and smiled. I looked up at Bob, and he was smiling too, but not at Jackie O.
I still find that smile, an adorable ear-to-ear curl, irresistible. He likes my smile too, and from the start, we uncannily agreed on almost every principle in life, including the fact that I wasn’t going to the mountains with the draft resister after all. But as our wedding preparations limped along, I was in an agony of doubt: Could I, an antiwar radical, join the establishment? Could I deny my dreams and marry a man more than twice my age? Before I knew it, Bob would be stooped and feeble. Our toddler would snatch his walker out from under him.
It is the nature of fate to mock one’s visions of the future. Almost 30 years later, my age is not far from that of my husband when he married me. I don’t see myself with a walker—ever. I plan to go on working, hiking, swimming, and playing countless games of tennis. My husband, who is now 86, still does all four.
When our first child, Joshua, was born, Bob, at 64, carried him everywhere in a sling, then in a backpack, then on his hip. He threw him up and down on the bed like a baseball and constantly serenaded him with “Give My Regards to Broadway.” Six years later, Bob was less physically active with our second child, Amy, but he lavished his jokes, his songs, and his impish smile upon her. Now, inexplicably, he has more energy than I do.
Our marriage has had its predictable ups and downs. But, for most of it, we honestly weren’t aware of our age difference.
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1 Lovely // Mar 30, 2008 at 3:39 pm
That was a beautiful story. I’ve been married to my husband for only two years. The marriage was very much rushed into.I was 21 years old and he was 42 years old. He is 21 years older than I am. The age difference bothered me a little. But my parent convince me to marry him because that time they saw how well he was taking care of me. He was very caring, loving, patient, hard worker (have his own business),and always there for me. So I decided to get marry to him. But after I got married, that was when it really hit me and started thinking about the age difference. When ever we go in public or a party where there is a lot of people, I always feel ashamed to be seen with him. He doesn’t know that, I have live in a lie with this man for a long time.Because of this reason I have developed depression. I am no more happy like I use to be 2 years ago. I don’t have any friends to talk to and I don’t even trust anybody to talk to about my problems. But I wonder if this bad feelings will ever go away. I am now pregnant with his baby(8 weeks pregnant). I don’t know what to do please help. I am afraid to get divorce because everyone one will look down on me.
2 Eva // May 20, 2007 at 6:08 am
My husband is 22 years older than I am and we’re still honeymooning after 10 years of marriage. Thank you for sharing your story, Lucinda!
3 Dee // Mar 15, 2007 at 10:13 am
What an incredibly beautiful love story. I saw Lucinda on Fox&Friends and was so impressed with her and the topic of her Father’s Secret War. My library does not currently have her book so I was in search of some info on Ms. Franks when I discovered this story that touched my heart. My day is a brighter for having read it!
4 Peter // Dec 20, 2006 at 11:05 pm
After being apart from the Morgenthau’s for so many years I heard the Lucinda had some surgery. I gave her a call to offer advice. It was great talking to her after all these years.
Thought I would do a ‘google’ on her and see if she had anything on the Net.
This article was just great. Brought back memories of days gone by. I was there in the beginning of the courtship and lived through it. Never doubted for a second it wouldn’t last.
This was a lady who knew what she wanted, maybe a little flaky, but bright, kind, and always with a smile of her face.
Mr. Morgenthau was, and still is the Rock of Gibraltor. He values family and wanted to keep it going when he got another chance.
Ms. Lucinda Franks are about 180 degrees apart in matters of wars, law enforcement, etc.,. That was then, this is now. She is obviously a lot smarter than I was. I am still trying to catch up with the rest of the pack.