A New Mother Recovers Her Sensual Self

by Elizabeth Uppman

I was still sexy! And spontaneous! Yet I knew none of this would have happened if I hadn’t decided to order the video. Sneaking around naughtily on Xandria and enjoying sex five hours later were not unrelated events. Two weeks later, when the video finally arrived, Chucho and I sat down to watch it, a little nervously, like a couple on their first date. It turned out to be a silly little romp with hardly any bite to it—just a lot of enormous breasts and preposterous underwear.

“Do people really like this stuff?” I asked Chucho. “Do you?” he asked, putting his hand on the inside of my thigh. Afterwards, lying in the crook of his arm, I thought of Lucia—the tiny triangles of her shoulder blades, the dimples in her elbows. I slid my hand into Chucho’s. Maybe I had enough love for both of them.