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365 Days of Online Dating
The ready-to-fall-in-love author dedicates herself to one year of online dating.
by Pam Widener
I was one of my first online dates. We were slogging through the early stages of an awkward conversation over coffee; I confessed that I was new to this process and wasn’t very good at it. “If I ever get good at this,” the guy replied, “it’ll be time to give it up.”
It was late autumn. At 37, I found myself single again after the demise of a seven-year relationship, and the possibilities of Internet dating seemed infinite. I was captivated by the idea that I could post a profile of myself for anyone in the world to see, that I could forge a textured relationship with someone before we had even met.
I had never “dated” before. In college, I’d fallen in love with a classmate the first day I arrived on campus and then spent the next four years obsessed with the ideal of that relationship (despite all evidence that “ideal” was all it would ever be). In my twenties, I fell into several short-term relationships with friends and colleagues, but never went on a blind date and never perused the personals, even as an anthropological curiosity. At 30, I met a man through work. Two years later we moved in together. Three years later we had a baby together. One year later we broke up.
During this time, the Internet went from being a glimmer in Al Gore’s eye to an ordinary fact of life.
For a few weeks I perused the Nerve online personals from a voyeuristic distance. I became intrigued by the profile prompts (“Most humbling moment.” “Five items you can’t live without.”) and began to imagine what kind of self-portrait I could craft for an entire world of potential soul mates.
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1 Mario // Jul 25, 2008 at 3:21 pm
This was great!!!
I was thinking a lot about Personals. I never knew which way to go so I always tried to ‘keep it real’ and try to meet people on the 3-d world! :p
it’s still hard for me with the few people I mail and that don’t live close to me, but with a few I’ve developed great sentiments of empathy and the rest, I would like to meet them in person now.
I’ve dated online before. One advice: keep it real all the time (even one friend taught me that through our endless corresponse), although, it’s always difficult to say if you’re going to have ‘chemistry’ once you meet each other in person!!
Well, anyways, great article. Good to know I’m not the only one who goes through this!!
Thanks!!
2 Regard Your Date As A Serial Killer // May 5, 2008 at 11:48 am
[…] There are some clear dos and don’ts when it comes to online dating. […]
3 Patricia // May 16, 2007 at 4:47 am
The article was discouraging. I think it’s all a numbers game whether it be online or in the real world. The more people you meet, the better your chances of finding someone with whom you’ll click.
4 Jennifer // Apr 16, 2007 at 10:10 am
I must admit, I finally gave into the whole internet dating scene a year and a half ago at 35 and never married. I was unwilling to get the thow backs at the bar scene, and I wasn’t exactly having to rehinge my front door from guys beating it down. It completely stressed me out! However, I met who I THOUGHT was The One. Well, I’m about to turn 37, cancelling wedding plans. Thank you, dear GOD that I did not actually move the date up and take a job to relocate as he was pushing me to do. Easy come, easy go — NEXT! Laissez les bon temps rouler (soon, I hope).
5 Adonya // Apr 9, 2007 at 11:23 pm
I can’t believe I can actually relate to this story on several levels.
I’ve been dating online more off than on since 1999. I’ve met some nice men, and I’ve also met some jerks. One of the reasons why I prefer online dating to the bar scene is I get to invest quality time (right from start) in weeding out the bad eggs. You can’t really do that in a bar. Once the alcohol kincks in, EVERYONE starts looking good. 
Thanks for the wonderful article!!!!
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