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The Etiquette of Oral Sex
The ups, downs and in-betweens of oral sex.
by Ky Henderson
You should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable—but you should do what you can to overcome hang-ups that limit not only your own pleasure, but your partner’s as well. And almost any hesitation about oral sex can be solved with a simple explanation or a reasonable compromise.
“If it’s a question of cleanliness, you can shower with your partner and get clean together,” suggests Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First and He Comes Next. “If a guy feels it’s distasteful, he needs to know that the vagina is a self-cleaning ecosystem. By the same token, a woman may want to combine oral with manual stimulation to avoid swallowing, and ask her boyfriend not to thrust if she’s afraid of gagging. You just have to work in slow steps.”
Or lightning-fast ones, depending on the nature of your motivation. Tiffany*, a 27-year-old banker, had been dating her boyfriend Peter for about eight months, but she had never performed fellatio on him.
“I didn’t enjoy it,” says Tiffany. “But one evening we were out with his friends and I overheard them refer to to his ex with a nickname that strongly implied she was good at giving head. I got jealous, so that night I went down on him with the goal of outperforming her. He went nuts, which I loved.”
If you don’t have such stiff competition to spur you on, note that the receiver shouldn’t be the only person who is enjoying himself. Watching your partner get turned on because of your expertise— and you have a remarkable vantage point from which to do so—is extremely pleasurable in itself. If one person truly enjoys giving but dislikes receiving, there’s nothing wrong with a one-way street. But it doesn’t have to be.
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1 Robert Wm. King // Nov 22, 2008 at 4:17 pm
my girl just emailed me “she wants the whole of me in her mouth” I responded then what does she plan on doing with it? and did she know any tricks? Is that chauvenistic of me or should I just be happy to be there?
2 Robert Wm. King // Nov 22, 2008 at 4:05 pm
ETIQUETTE: I DIDN’T THINK I SHOULD “bow” and she “cirtsey” first before we go down, but then what ever it takes ………..
3 Tanya // Nov 17, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I just have to say that at the end of the article it says “don’t tell him what you want while his head is down there, but before!” but I think its ok to tell him/instruct him while he is down there. I actually had a guy tell me this. So go ahead ladies! Tell em what you like! and anytime!
4 Blogger Crush: Girl With A One-Track Mind // Aug 23, 2008 at 11:00 am
[…] Margolis no longer pens exposes about masturbation and graphic descriptions of cunnilingus, her blog is still a delightful read. These days she writes about the consequences of being a […]
5 Dark // Aug 5, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I give my boyfriend oral all the time. Not only does he enjoy it (duh) but I love doing it myself so its all good. The key is in the enthusiasm. Plus, its a good way to get your motor running for some good sex
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