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Coping With Financial Inequality
Sometimes financial disparity can be a major problem in a relationship.
by Martha Baer
Once, I dated a man, who was very, very poor. That’s what he said, and I believed him. Why wouldn’t I? He had wads of medical bills left over from a bout with cancer; he had child support; he had business expenses; and—oh, yes—he had the Chinese symbol for money tattooed on his Achilles tendon.
Since I lived in Manhattan and he was in North Carolina, we spent much of our relationship commuting. Plane tickets cost money, and though we tried to split the fares, I ended up paying for the bulk of them.
I didn’t really mind. He’d had a hard couple of years; I’d just sold a book and had some extra cash, and I wanted to see him. I was hardly wealthy, but if I had to shell out more money than he did, so be it. He wasn’t so happy about the financial disparity.
Though he would never admit it, much of his masculinity was tied up in his wallet; he felt less virile for not being able to pay his (and my) way. And I’ll confess: sometimes, it bothered me too. Such as the time I eyed a $70 dollar bracelet in a store window hoping he would buy it for me (he didn’t), and when I wondered how we would afford to have kids if we ever reached that point (we didn’t).
But for the most part, our money issues weren’t a problem for me. That is, until he canceled a trip we’d planned to Panama— after I paid for the tickets, mind you—pleading poverty. A few weeks later, he mysteriously found the resources to buy a brand new motorcycle.
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1 New York Women Closing Gender Income Gap, Complicating Relationships // Nov 12, 2007 at 2:51 pm
[…] Stouter - and women like her across the city - are facing a new reality. After decades of lagging behind men, full-time working women at the beginning of their careers in New York and other big cities are now outearning their male counterparts. Tango’s Take And this isn’t just relegated to NYC. Women have been gaining on men in terms of education for a generation. It only makes sense that the earning (particularly in the first job) is starting to even out. Women earning more than their husbands could be problematic later in their relationship. If she significantly out-earns him, it becomes a tougher decision regarding childcare and homemaking choices. While many men (like Michael Keaton) have proven that they can handle the gig, women are generally thought to be better at that kind of stuff. We also bet that some women who earn much more than their guy might have very strong opinions about how things should be done around the house. And we could envision a scenario that involves the husband feeling the need to wear the pants, periodically. Martha Baer does a great job of exploring this topic in her article on Financial Inequality. […]
2 suzanne // Dec 25, 2006 at 9:44 pm
i entirely agree with what i have read.my spouse and i have been married 3 years and i have supported her. we are both disabled and she is fighting for her social security. we took on a part time job at a flea market and since most of the material makes the money, she has had control over me.i wish we had definitely talked about finances before we committed.