|
Coping With Financial Inequality
Sometimes financial disparity can be a major problem in a relationship.
by Martha Baer
I was livid; I was hurt. I couldn’t believe he’d canceled our plans, especially when he knew how important they were to me. And for a motorcycle! “I thought you didn’t have any money!” I said. “I put it on my credit card,” he replied. “I can always sell it. You can sell an object. You can’t sell a trip.”
And that’s when I realized that our issues weren’t about money. They were about priorities and power and his need to assert himself in a situation where he felt inferior. The one way he could do it? By hitting me where he knew I’d feel it.
It goes without saying that relationships are tough work, filled with endless compromises—and many couples feel the challenges smack in their billfolds.
According to a 2006 Money magazine poll, 84 percent of respondents reported that finances caused tension in their marriages, and 15 percent said they fought about money several times a month. Sharyn Sooho, a Boston divorce attorney and cofounder of divorcenet.com, notes that one spouse earning significantly more than the other—or experiencing overwhelming success—is a leading cause of divorce.
If you think about it, that’s actually not too surprising. Wealth, and one’s association with it, alters the balance of power in any interaction; it follows that those who have grown up around money, or earn a lot of it, or have piles of it at their disposal, view the world differently than their less fortunate counterparts. While riches might not buy happiness, they do buy freedom, and the bottom line is that the person with more freedom has more options.
 (No Ratings Yet) Loading ... |
Email to a Friend
Share on Facebook
Digg It
Delicious
Newsvine
Stumble
Reddit
1 New York Women Closing Gender Income Gap, Complicating Relationships // Nov 12, 2007 at 2:51 pm
[…] Stouter - and women like her across the city - are facing a new reality. After decades of lagging behind men, full-time working women at the beginning of their careers in New York and other big cities are now outearning their male counterparts. Tango’s Take And this isn’t just relegated to NYC. Women have been gaining on men in terms of education for a generation. It only makes sense that the earning (particularly in the first job) is starting to even out. Women earning more than their husbands could be problematic later in their relationship. If she significantly out-earns him, it becomes a tougher decision regarding childcare and homemaking choices. While many men (like Michael Keaton) have proven that they can handle the gig, women are generally thought to be better at that kind of stuff. We also bet that some women who earn much more than their guy might have very strong opinions about how things should be done around the house. And we could envision a scenario that involves the husband feeling the need to wear the pants, periodically. Martha Baer does a great job of exploring this topic in her article on Financial Inequality. […]
2 suzanne // Dec 25, 2006 at 9:44 pm
i entirely agree with what i have read.my spouse and i have been married 3 years and i have supported her. we are both disabled and she is fighting for her social security. we took on a part time job at a flea market and since most of the material makes the money, she has had control over me.i wish we had definitely talked about finances before we committed.