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Are You The “Single Friend”?
Marnie Hanel on being single in a sea of married friends.
by Marnie Hanel
“It looks better on you,” I mouthed. She winked. But underneath it all, Lily was sensitive. She was Southern and 27, which, with the drawl, sounds a lot like “past her prime.” (South of the Mason-Dixon Line, old maids are alive and well: they read Us Weekly by the pool and smear suntan lotion around their bellybutton rings.)
When it was Lily’s turn to host, she took one look at her tiny apartment and borrowed Allison’s for the evening. Opening Cooking Light and the majority of Allison’s wedding gifts, she whipped up a storm. Arugula salad. Hot crab dip. Salmon pasta.
It should have been delicious, but the kitchen gods were against her. The salad wilted. The dip was cold. And by the time the pasta arrived looking rather pink, Lily had had it. She spooned out each portion and, in the immaculate Park Avenue apartment of her perfectly married friend, just lost it.
Tears dripped onto a coordinating charger and dinner plate as she sobbed, “This is awful. It’s all just awful,” and scurried to the bathroom. The entire table looked at me. It’s not about the pasta.
With regard to most aspects of our lives, my friends and I ran parallel races. We excelled in our careers at roughly the same pace. We shopped the same sample sales. But when it came to relationships, my friends had graduated college, and Lily and I were back at the middle-school dance. Stairway to Heaven was playing, couples were swaying, and for eight minutes and two seconds we would be alone. And. Everyone. Would. Know. It.
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1 T // Jun 2, 2007 at 10:07 pm
Yes, this year is like a cascade of weddings- one after another. At 28 Im not only single, Im not really interested in getting married, I need to finish my attempt at graduate school.. Seeing all my once single friends, and ex-boyfriends one by one get married.. it makes me feel alittle lonely and left out.. but then I realized like the author, I only have me to take care of for now.. no hubby, no babies, and no in-laws.. and then I sigh a relief to myself.. or it is denial??
2 Erin // Mar 16, 2007 at 9:41 am
Thank you so much for this article! My group of girlfriends all got engaged, one after the other, like it was a trend, and now all except one of them have lost their heads over their weddings and have become so full of themselves. Whenever we all get together (boys included) all they talk about is buying a home and their wedding, and disclude my boyfriend and I. It felt good to read an article with someone else in a similar situation. Thanks!!
3 Maria // Mar 4, 2007 at 8:44 pm
I really enjoyed this article. I am 25 and single and dating, and all my friends are getting married this year or have a boyfriend. It is funny how they forget how things used to be. Only me and one of my other friends are single and enjoying life in other means than having to plan a wedding. I do giver support for the weddings, but shopping and thinking of dresses is definetely the thing to do..thanks..i love this article.
4 M // Jan 15, 2007 at 11:10 pm
I appreciated the article. Thank you for writing it. I am a part of a group where I am one of the last singles standing! It doesn’t feel great but this article was just what I needed to keep it all in perspective.