“He’s Not My Type” Could Be “The One”

by Leslie Bennetts

Then one day, Jeremy asked me to go to a program at a theater a couple of blocks from his apartment, which I had never visited. “Now you’re in for it,” said my closest office friend, with unseemly glee. “He’ll ask you back to his place, and then he’ll make a pass at you. What are you going to do?” Jeremy did invite me to see his apartment, and he did make a pass. The next day he asked me to marry him. Here’s where I have to admit that I was a commitment-phobe myself. Stalling for escape clauses, I asked if we could have a long engagement. “How long did you have in mind?” he inquired.

“Maybe 10 years?” He shook his head calmly, still smiling that understanding smile. My eyes welled with tears again.

At our wedding, I was so terrified of getting married that I almost fainted. Jeremy kept a steady grip on my elbow. Panicked, I kept sneaking sideways looks at him and thinking desperately, “But he’s not my type!”

By then, however, even I knew better—at least in my saner moments. Like other men with whom I’d been involved, Jeremy was smart, talented, and interesting. But unlike some of his predecessors, he was also honest, trustworthy, and dependable. When I watched him play with other people’s children, I knew what a wonderful father he would be. He was calm and steady in a crisis, and I sensed that I would be able to count on him as a husband, no matter what challenges arose. He had a mature understanding of what commitment meant, and he wanted it.

His kindness to me reflected the way he interacted with the rest of the world. He’s the sort of guy who helps little old ladies cross the street and graciously motions other drivers to cut in front of him. Maybe he doesn’t arrive at every dinner party determined to dazzle all the guests; he tends to speak up only if he actually has something to say. When he does, his views are intelligent and humane, often containing unexpected insights. When he feels comfortable with people, he’s absolutely hilarious; his sense of humor is as wicked as it is sly. Jeremy’s unpredictable flashes of wit still astonish me with their inventiveness, even after 20 years of knowing him. And despite the difference in our backgrounds, our values have proved compatible on almost everything, including parenting.