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Marrying Mr. Wrong
She thought he was "the one." Did relationship red flags indicate otherwise?
by Isabel Rose
JULY 4, 2002
I’m sitting on our deck in the Hamptons an hour after everyone has left, realizing that my marriage needs to end. There have been too many red flags and it’s been too hard for too long. I’m drained. I’m sad. I’m lonely. My husband is just on the other side of the screen door, sleeping on the sofa we bought together at Ikea right after we bought the house. On his chest, our eleven-month-old daughter drools in her half-sleep.
RED FLAG #1, APRIL 1995
One of my girlfriends leaves a message on my machine Saturday evening at six. “A bunch of us are meeting at that new bar around the corner at 9:30. It’s gonna be a great group. See you then.” I’ve already planned a night of order-in Chinese food and Middlemarch, but at 9:45 I overcome my innate inertia and force myself out.
My future ex-husband is sitting at a long, candlelit table, chatting with a few other guys. Over the din of the hip bar, I say, “You look familiar. Really.” Then I realize that actually, he just looks like someone who works in my sister’s office. I’m about to tell him this but he says, “You’re right. We have met.” We talk about everything that isn’t too personal: politics, sports, our favorite music from the ‘80s. He seems to be an expert on every topic, which I find sexy.
The next morning, I’m on the treadmill sweatily fantasizing about my future ex-husband, when the girl who introduced us the previous night gets on the treadmill next to mine.
“I really like your friend,” I gush.
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1 Russ // Aug 6, 2008 at 5:14 pm
This article sounds like the ramblings of an incredibly self-absorbed woman whose perceived emotional wants trumped any chance for a real, independent life.
Your ex sounds like an interesting guy with a lot to offer. Too bad you only accepted him begrudgingly.
2 Mom who cares // Jul 18, 2008 at 1:51 pm
My daughter is marrying a Man she meet in college. The first year of the relationship they were fighting alot, ending in a bad break up where they were very nasty to each other. They weren’t speaking for 6 months and decided to be friends, over the last ten months, they say the both they worked things out and have been dating for the last 6 months. they meet fresman year in college it will be 3 years total known each other. Yikes…..any suggestions, without pushing them closer together in a them against the world kind of way?
3 Karin // Jul 13, 2008 at 2:10 pm
The red flags should have been for him. She is the one that didn’t like to hike, talked to much, couldn’t even enjoy a trip to Paris….poor idiot.
4 Benny Ben // Jun 16, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Ok. thats it. I stopped reading. at this;
“He tells me about a nursing shortage in Ghana. He goes on for 20 minutes at least. ”
All those red flags on him you mention actually show your flags. He paid for a hotel in Paris and the was “no present,” you were complaining about him to an ex.
You come off as a spoiled princess chasing dream defined by other people`s standards, who, having gotten what you want in a child no longer needs him. Sounds like he is not only better at math but a better judge of how to allot resources, maning he was right to ignore your drama and come home late.
5 AVI // Jun 12, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Wow. Reminds me of my first true love. How glad I am I didn’t marry and procreate with him. Sometimes, I wonder if the seven years I spent with him were a waste, but I did learn what kind of man I really wanted from the experience.
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