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Marrying Mr. Wrong
She thought he was "the one." Did relationship red flags indicate otherwise?
by Isabel Rose
What is love? What on earth is it? After getting to know each other so deeply, after surviving fights and deluges in the Alps, sitting together through funerals of friends and celebrating at the brisses of my sisters’ sons, I felt certain that what I felt was love.
And yet, when I examine the reality of my emotions, or lack thereof, I know that I don’t feel the kind of love that the bereaved Romeo on the TV feels for his lost Juliet. I want to feel that way about my husband, but I don’t.
I will give myself one year. If one year from today we haven’t made deep, structural improvements, it will be time to move on.
SEPTEMBER 2002, BRIDGEHAMPTON
Lying in our bed—the bed where we conceived our daughter; where we shared moments of passion, exhaustion, happiness, sadness; lying in our bed on the hard mattress I’ve always hated but chose anyway because my husband prefers a hard mattress.
Lying in our bed, this is what goes through my head before I utter the words that will usher in a new chapter between us: Do we really belong together? Will I ever find this so-called love I think I’m missing? What will happen to all our friends? Will they take sides? Who will I go to the movies with? How will we explain this to our daughter? Will the pain and confusion I feel ever go away? “I’m no longer thriving in this relationship,” I say quietly but clearly. “I think we need to consider a separation.” The words surround us and we bathe in them for a moment. Then he says, “I agree.” I start to sob and then we make love with the desperation of two people who will soon be separated by war.
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1 Nada // Aug 17, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I see the critism girl and I don’t see a reason to even ready 15 pages of this on-line if you don’t think you do or think that you can relate to it just by the beginning episode. I sometimes too feel like I’m in the same element and don’t know what to do, maybe not every aspect like you is not the same but I can absolutely relate. Keep your head up.
2 ela // Aug 15, 2008 at 6:09 am
um… i love how you’re in the hamptons but your couch is from ikea. everything else about your failed marriage makes sense now.
3 Russ // Aug 6, 2008 at 5:14 pm
This article sounds like the ramblings of an incredibly self-absorbed woman whose perceived emotional wants trumped any chance for a real, independent life.
Your ex sounds like an interesting guy with a lot to offer. Too bad you only accepted him begrudgingly.
4 Mom who cares // Jul 18, 2008 at 1:51 pm
My daughter is marrying a Man she meet in college. The first year of the relationship they were fighting alot, ending in a bad break up where they were very nasty to each other. They weren’t speaking for 6 months and decided to be friends, over the last ten months, they say the both they worked things out and have been dating for the last 6 months. they meet fresman year in college it will be 3 years total known each other. Yikes…..any suggestions, without pushing them closer together in a them against the world kind of way?
5 Karin // Jul 13, 2008 at 2:10 pm
The red flags should have been for him. She is the one that didn’t like to hike, talked to much, couldn’t even enjoy a trip to Paris….poor idiot.
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