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Marrying Mr. Wrong
She thought he was "the one." Did relationship red flags indicate otherwise?
by Isabel Rose
“It’s time for bed,” I say, pulling him up. “Let’s go. Up.” And like a petulant four year old being dragged by his mother, he follows me into our bedroom.
RED FLAG #8, APRIL 1997
I’m sitting at breakfast in an ornately decorated dining room in a hotel in West Virginia listening to the head of banking address the “spouses/significant others” of the managing directors.
“Please be understanding when your husbands or boyfriends come home late,” the head of banking says, “even if it’s two in the morning and they’ve been at a strip club. It’s just a work thing, ladies. Nothing to get alarmed about.” There’s a smattering of giggles from the audience. The head of banking is pleased with himself and smiles, too.
“Become your own community, ladies,” he continues. “Support each other. Get your nails done together. Have a girls’ night out. Because we consider the work that you do on the home front to be as important to the success of the firm as the work your spouses are doing for us.”
After the talk, I return to our plush, pink, green, and gold room, take out my suitcase and start to pack: the cocktail dress for the semiformal Friday night dinner, the tennis skirt, the gown for tonight’s black-tie ball, the bathing suit for the Whirlpool my boyfriend and I hoped to soak in together. I’m collecting my toiletries when he comes in and asks what I’m doing.
“Going home,” I tell him. “This isn’t for me.” I tell him about the lecture by the head of banking.
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1 Tony // Oct 7, 2008 at 2:16 am
I hate this drivel. Can’t understand why I have wasted my time with the neurotic ramblings and rantings of such shallow losers.
2 Tony // Oct 7, 2008 at 2:12 am
The blitherings of an overprivelidged spoilt person with too much empty time in which to create “dramas” where there need not be any. Grow the f*ck up!
3 Chris // Sep 22, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Not all women are worth marrying. Most I’ve meet should not ever get married. Can’t handle money, make meaningful sacrifice (having kids is a sacrifice, but if that’s what it took..wow, sad), can’t help in the kitchen, clean or figure out basics of life.
Honestly, I ended up marrying one of the sex in the city chick set. Your husband sounds very close to my behavior while I was married. So far from my divorce I’m glad in some ways I ended up getting raked in the coals for paying her debts over the years while married (72k) for the two awesome kids we had.
The kids now live with me because she understood that she barely took care of herself before kids and her molly home-maker skills were not there. She kept the house because it meant something to own a pile of bricks. I just wish sometimes that she would pay her child support, she makes as much as me (around 80k a year) and maybe take them to a park rather than the mall.
For those interested, child services ended up bring the kids to my place because her Mom wanted them to eat more than canned goods and take out. My 8 year old daughter and 7 year old son are now in the proper weight category for their ages, versus 120% over. Veggies, fruit, less meat, no salt, no pop, milk always and lots of visits to the park. Plus movie/pizza night on Fridays.
My ex is in her late thirties with a cabinet of pills ranging from the heart variety (bad eating), the happiness enhancers (lots of fun hanging around while someone switches from one SSRI to another) and the sleeping kind.
So far from the dates I’ve had over the past two years most women I have met really haven’t figured what they want out of life and I’m dating 35-45 year old women that continue with the nonsense that they are 20, savy and a character from a tv show. Men are a bit wary as well, and we put up those red flags as soon as we spot a phony. Easier to be called an ass than introduce our kids to someone that couldn’t find their ass with both hands.
4 Twinkle // Sep 19, 2008 at 4:48 pm
very angry with those guys like Benny ben & Russ.
Sometime we go through life looking and hoping for something special. good guy meets good girl and you think this equals perfect marriage. Both have been hurt, both have issues and because you both share pain and joy makes you think this is my perfect partner. We all meet for different reasons and connections but getting married isn’t necessarily the right answer, but because you have nothing good to compare it with or feel lonely it seems like the obvious answer. These decisions could be made with the best intentions but unfortunately we don’t learn this sort of decision making at school…we have to figure that out for ourselves which sometimes to late or wrong. And for the comment about him being a good guy, you never marry some because they are good but also you never stay with them just because they are a good guy, that is not the only critieria for marriage. Whoever wrote this message was inspired and found themselves..it is unfortunate that it happened in the aftermath of baby but we are all not perfect..plus we always want things work out..which really annoys me about negative posts because all you wanted to do is make yourself and your partner happy. The lesson to learn is to listen to your gut, those voices in your head ( even if you may doubt they are low self esteem) because deep down you want the best for yourself and if thats not what your getting then its time to move on!
5 Inside the Biden Marriage // Sep 19, 2008 at 3:42 pm
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