Good morning, and welcome to December 15, 2008. And here is today’s news:

Into porn, in a bad way? You could be in luck. The channel that killed the radio star (as an accomplice), birthed reality TV (a true story about what happens when strangers stop being nice and start being real) and brought us that creep time-lapsed show about that drunk dude wants to climb inside the brain of a porn addict, walk around a bit and see what makes him tick (among other things). And, according to Boinkology, they need a cast.

It’s still up in the air whether or not porn is cheating. One thing that is cheating is using a hooker. But what if she’s a robot? Asylum asks the a question that people have been noodling since the Buck Rogers days, does sex with a robot hooker break the marriage covenant?

Maybe sex with a robot outside of marriage is adultery. And maybe porn is a big problem. But what about cheating in your dreams? Daily Bedpost has a great running feature in which they analyze sex dreams. This time around her exes watch she and her boss rut on her husband’s childhood bed.

Maybe pastor Jim Bolin could do with a touch of the dream analysis. According to CBS46.com, the pastor of a church in Powder Springs, Georgia is stepping down because of “inappropriate sexual behavior.” He deigns to tell anyone what the problem is, which just serves to pique interest. Let’s hope it’s not mopery.

Another big-time church official is out of a job because of an interpersonal issue. Top Evangelical pastor, Reverend Richard Cizik, came out in favor of gay civil unions and has an open mind about gay marriage. According to the El Paso Times, this stance runs counter to the stance of the National Association of Evangelicals in such a way that he had to go. He’ll be missed.

You know what else will be missed? Dogs. The new battleground, per the Daily Telegraph, in divorce is pet visitation rights. “You can keep the house and the kids, you malevolent jerk, but Bruiser is coming with me and I will not hear another word about it.”

While adults are quibbling about pets, guess what the kids aren’t doing? Dating. As we’ve all long known (and Tom Wolfe suspected), teens and youngsters aren’t going on dates anymore. They are fooling around or what in they call in their parlance “hooking up.” Shocking. The New York Times intrepidly went to the source (the kids!) and even put together a handy dandy line graph.

The kids are reaping the benefits of a party now - pay later lifestyle while older adults are harvesting the consequences of scientific speculation. Whaa? We were trying to eloquently segue into some facts about the latest study about the lingering effects of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and dropped the ball. According to the Washington Post, the latest test on HRT proved that it increases the chance for breast cancer. Silver lining: this breast cancer seems to be far less terminal than other varieties.

They say that men actually get better looking as they age. Some UK men must think that sounds fishy (and chippy) because according to the Daily Mail they’re refusing to let nature run it’s course. They’re attempting to beat back the slow, steady march of time by getting jabs (injections, on the left side of the pond) of collagen, Botox and other age-defying weirdness.

Irrespective of how the men look, women in the UK appear to have it much better than those living in other parts of the world. Per Reuters, a young English doctor of Bangladeshi decent was held captive by her family on her return to Bangladesh. They insisted she marry some guy but she was not up for the forced marriage. Now she’s heading back to London, land of men getting cosmetic procedures so that you want to marry them.

And Jezebel lets us know that justice is becoming blind (in a good way) in some parts of the eastern world. A woman in Iran was blinded with acid by a spurned suitor and now said suitor has to suffer the same fate. Somewhere Hammurabi is giving us a big thumbs up but Gandhi is chiding him with the old chestnut “an eye for an eye makes the world blind.” He won’t be pouring sulfuric acid in another woman’s eyes, that’s for sure. We wonder if this will just raise the stakes in the Persian courtship maiming game.

How many times have you heard the word “holiday” in the past week? Well, the season’s here and both sexes are scrambling to find that perfect item that expresses love without words. Or actions. Ok, they are just gifts, but they sure are sparkly and fun. Here’s what our male media friends are wishing for and thinking of buying us this year:

Esquire’s saying “recession, shmecession” and offering a guide to what one can buy for a billion dollars. A man’s gotta dream, right?

YourTango’s own Tomfoolery blogger Thomas Miller made a list of foolproof gifts any guy would love, and our fashionista friends at SheFinds told us how to find great gifts for guys online.

Asylum’s “Secret Santa Guide” offers cheap and clever gifts “for folks you barely know.”

Details’ Know+Tell blog is craving pocket squares and cologne in “elegant” scents, while fellow blog The Upgrader has a luxe guide to what us ladies might want if we’ve been extra nice this year.

AskMen’s gift spectacular breaks down our potential holiday wishes by category and a range of prices.

And, finally, if you’re single, be happy you have one less man on your list to buy for!

How does someone end up not having sex for 15 years? By accident, swears writer Kit Naylor on Salon.com.

We’ve all had dry spells, but man, 15 years is one hell of a dry spell!

Naylor is a middleaged woman, a self-described recluse with two cats and no kids. She calls herself “a spinster long past my sell-by date.” Spinster! We think that’s a sexist way to refer to herself, but nevertheless, we admire how she got that way: she wants to be in love to make love. It seems that by eschewing casual sex and being committed to personal integrity, she’s condemning herself to accidental celibacy:

 OK, so I’ve gained some weight with menopause, and I am no longer a beauty, but that’s not really the problem; plenty of zaftig women have husbands and lovers who adore them. I know I could walk into any bar in town and leave with some guy willing to come home with me for a one-night stand — but that feels so sordid and ugly to me. I have known what it is to enjoy sex with love, in the context of a committed relationship — comfortable, familiar, married sex, if you will — and anything less than that feels sad to me. I would rather sleep alone than give myself away.

She’s right: sleeping alone is preferable to waking up next to someone unfamiliar, strange and sweaty. And it’s certainly less depressing than going on an endless parade of online dates: Naylor found online dating came up with men who “look like Danny DeVito” and want someone slim, pretty and 10 years younger. Totally not fair.

Naylor’s main problem is that time may be running out for her libido. She writes, “After a while your motor shifts into idle, and you just stop thinking about it.” But by the end of her essay, Naylor sounds content to resign herself to make do with a weekly massage for human contact. (We’ve been there, honey, and that part of our life was pretty depressing. But good luck to you!)

Tell us in the comments section below, what’s the longest you’ve gone without sex and how have you survived a dry spell?

Ah the mother-in-law. She loves her son and wants what’s best for him, which may or may not include you. The cliché, of course, is that you and your man’s mother will have a rocky relationship. She’ll critique your cooking, your taste in clothes, the cleanliness of your home, your child-rearing skills, your career choices. While this may not be true in all cases, a study by a British psychologist found that 60% of women felt tension with their mothers-in-law, compared with 15% of men.

Psychologist Terri Apter studied 49 couples and 156 individuals over 20 years, and found that women felt their mothers-in-law were irrationally jealous, while the moms felt that their son’s wives didn’t understand where they were coming from. No surprise there. Apter attributes the tension to doubt on the part of the materfamilias—moms worry that they’ll lose their sons to their new wives, that their traditions and ideas won’t be valued. The best way to assuage their fears? Contact. Sons who keep in touch help their mamas feel included and reduce conflict between wife-y and mommy.

Of course, not all MIL relationships are strained. This week’s New York Times Modern Love essayist tells of her incredible relationship with her lover’s mother. After her boyfriend of a year dies, author Dianne Nottle developed a close relationship with his mother that lasted years longer than the one she had with her son. “In some ways,” she writes, “I was a better daughter to her than I was to my own mother.”

Another seemingly cliché-busting mother-in-law relationship comes from our president-elect, whose mother will be moving to D.C. in January and may even live in the White House with the first family. It may sound crazy—who wants to live with a MIL hovering about?—but living with a grandparent is a great way to score free childcare and, according to Apter, it’s pretty common. “Grandparents have an enormously strong emotional tie to their grandchildren, and they also are caretakers far more than you would expect,” she says.

And then there’s this mother-in-law relationship. Reality star Spencer Pratt calls his MIL “Stalker Mom.” In this case we’re inclined to agree with the stalker, who says, “I think [the marriage] is the biggest mistake Heidi’s ever made.”

Tell us, what are your mother-in-law experiences?

News Flash: it’s really bad for the baby when a pregnant mom is exposed to chemicals!  But just how bad is it? New research says if the baby she’s carrying is a boy, chemical exposure may cause him to be born with a smaller penis.

The New York Post reports that chemicals in fire retardants, cosmetics, food wrappers and baby powder are called “endocrine disrupters” and can interfere with hormones in male vertebrae animals. This means the size of your man’s penis may be affected (stunted, if you will) while he’s still in the womb.

The Post says:

“This research shows that the basic male tool kit is under threat,” says Gwynne Lyons, a former government adviser on the health effects of chemicals who wrote the report published by the charity CHEMTrust, which drew on more than 250 scientific studies from around the world.

Wildlife and people have been exposed to more than 100,000 new chemicals in recent years, and the European Commission has admitted that 99 percent of them are not adequately regulated.

Scary. One consolation? If your man is stressing about his size, you can assure him the length or girth of his penis has nothing to do with his masculinity.