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When Snooping Gets Out of Control
The author invades her lover's privacy and pays the price.
by Victoria Hirshfield
“In Texas. Why do you ask?” He’s honestly curious now.
“Who were you with?” I ask. The pain behind my voice is enormous. He smiles and kind of laughs, but he doesn’t answer. We get up to leave the restaurant. He puts his arm around me.
Outside, he kisses me—not like with the drama and the sweat and the vein, but just like always. He kisses me, and I kiss him back. He rubs his hands down the front of me, and I open my eyes to see what his eyes are doing. My grandmother once told me never to trust a man who kisses with his eyes open. His are closed.
“I got that blanket with Tom, on our road trip after college,” he says as we walk back to my apartment. That gives me a little something—a lifesaver—to float on for a while. At home, I light candles. Little by little, I start to feel beautiful again. I lie on the bed, waiting for him to come and kiss me everywhere. I wait for him to worship me like a precious piece of lace, fingering all the details of the one and only design of my body.
But there may as well be a director and his crew standing in the corner: This is what we’re supposed to do, this is how you make up. Turns out, I’m the only capable actor—he’s trying, but he can’t stay in character. He lifts his arm around me and slides into sleep, leaving me to wonder what more I could have done.
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1 Anonymous // Feb 25, 2007 at 7:13 pm
This describes me. I have been on both sides- a cheater, and cheated on. Was what she did the right way to go about things? no. but since when do men share their pasts and feelings? Especially when they don’t, we feel insecure. And maybe I still need to grow up more, and I acknowledge that. No one is just spontaneously insecure, either. Things had to have happen to make a person so. But she isn’t crazy. She was eventually sorry. And he is a good guy for still wanting to work it out. Neither is perfect. But I would wish them luck. Although unrelated, I do think that Scarlett Johansson has a point when she said something to the likes of ” I do not believe that we are naturally monogomous.” And this is coming from a woman.
2 Anonymous // Feb 20, 2007 at 9:07 pm
I often refer to women(including myself) as cats and sometimes coureousity does get the better of us. However, if the men in our lives are attentive enough of us, there would be no snooping.
I have also been on both ends of the stick, so to speak. During the times that I would mind someone reading the words that I write is because I have something to hide. I really have no problems with my boyfriend reading anything that I have written in my journal. It has improved our relationship in many areas.
We have a hard time hearing one another out on issues that bother us. We always want to get our word in the conversation and tend to be to busy thinking of the next thing to say, rather than really listen to what our partner is stating. My journal has been a release for me to say things that I want to and he can read it without feeling threatened and overwhelmed. Writing tends to defuse situations, gives us both time to calm down and you can’t yell at each other in a journal. I keep my journal in one place and sometimes I know that he reads portions of it out of curiousity, but this has become a way of communication that works for us.
As far as insecurities, who is it for one person to judge anothers actions. So what if she is insecure. Women do have intuitions and maybe she was just following hers. If she was incorrect about her feelings,these types of issues can be addressed with a couple who really care about one another. They just need to find their route of communication. Obviously she was right on the nose with her intuition.
Crazy, insecure…..we are so easy to judge. I try to think of things from her perspective. Who knows what the history of their relationship was. Maybe she needed the slap in the face to move her toward a different direction in life. Don’t be so easy to throw stones. From one womens point of view of coarse. Let me know if there are others with this same feeling. Guys????
3 Anonymous // Feb 20, 2007 at 9:06 pm
I often refer to women(including myself) as cats and sometimes coureousity does get the better of us. However, if the men in our lives are attentive enough of us, there would be no snooping.
I have also been on both ends of the stick, so to speak. During the times that I would mind someone reading the words that I write is because I have something to hide. I really have no problems with my boyfriend reading anything that I have written in my journal. It has improved our relationship in many areas.
We have a hard time hearing one another out on issues that bother us. We always want to get our word in the conversation and tend to be to busy thinking of the next thing to say, rather than really listen to what our partner is stating. My journal has been a release for me to say things that I want to and he can read it without feeling threatened and overwhelmed. Writing tends to defuse situations, gives us both time to calm down and you can’t yell at each other in a journal. I keep my journal in one place and sometimes I know that he reads portions of it out of curiousity, but this has become a way of communication that works for us.
As far as insecurities, who is it for one person to judge anothers actions. So what if she is insecure. Women do have intuitions and maybe she was just following hers. If she was incorrect about her feelings,these types of issues can be addressed with a couple who really care about one another. They just need to find their route of communication. Obviously she was right on the nose with her intuition.
Crazy, insecure…..we are so easy to judge. I try to think of things from her perspective. Who knows what the history of their relationship was. Maybe she needed the slap in the face to move her toward a different direction in life. Don’t be so easy to throw stones. From one womens point of view of coarse. Let me know if there are others with this same feeling. Guys????
4 Anonymous // Feb 20, 2007 at 9:06 pm
I often refer to women(including myself) as cats and sometimes coureousity does get the better of us. However, if the men in our lives are attentive enough of us, there would be no snooping.
I have also been on both ends of the stick, so to speak. During the times that I would mind someone reading the words that I write is because I have something to hide. I really have no problems with my boyfriend reading anything that I have written in my journal. It has improved our relationship in many areas.
We have a hard time hearing one another out on issues that bother us. We always want to get our word in the conversation and tend to be to busy thinking of the next thing to say, rather than really listen to what our partner is stating. My journal has been a release for me to say things that I want to and he can read it without feeling threatened and overwhelmed. Writing tends to defuse situations, gives us both time to calm down and you can’t yell at each other in a journal. I keep my journal in one place and sometimes I know that he reads portions of it out of curiousity, but this has become a way of communication that works for us.
As far as insecurities, who is it for one person to judge anothers actions. So what if she is insecure. Women do have intuitions and maybe she was just following hers. If she was incorrect about her feelings,these types of issues can be addressed with a couple who really care about one another. They just need to find their route of communication. Obviously she was right on the nose with her intuition.
Crazy, insecure…..we are so easy to judge. I try to think of things from her perspective. Who knows what the history of their relationship was. Maybe she needed the slap in the face to move her toward a different direction in life. Don’t be so easy to throw stones. From one womens point of view of coarse. Let me know if there are others with this same feeling. Guys????
5 fawe // Jan 29, 2007 at 11:21 am
I started making a diary/journal when i was 13 yrs old. I am a very emotional person i wanted to jot down all memorable/significant things that happened into my life. When i begun to have crushes w/ girls, “like the character in the story”. All my activities of the day will be jotted down religiously. I even logged a calendar to monitor my GF’s menstrual cycle. A great advantage because it gives me an idea of her mood of the day which i can anticipate. Of course tensed moments w/ her or any other encounters. It is the highlights of my journal. Sometimes a page is just too small to accomodate what i wanted to write.
I was even fond of keeping pictures, postcards, receipts and letters. I comfiled my things each year and kept it in an old vault in my rm.
I got married untimely to a girlfriend 5 months because she got pregnant. [we are on a pre dominantly catholic nation where abortion is not very popular specially if you are at the right age to get married] We hardly known each other. Because i am in a construction business and i travel to various construction sites.
There was of consolation i could offer to my wife’s insecurities. Cellphones, wallets, handkerchiefs will be examined by her. [ if im not around]
I continued having a journal but it is dedicated to my wife only. One i night, she called and asked me go home early because she’s making a special dinner for us w/o reasons. Because of the nature of my job i was not able to do so.
I arrived late when i opened our masters bedroom, i caught my wife naked stimulating herself. she’s reading my old journals which she have discouvered recently.
From then on, she use it as a source of her arousal. she imagined the things i’ve done with my previous GF while we are making love. It makes our sex life satisfiying
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