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Reaching The Simultaneous Orgasm
For couples, having an orgasm at the same time should be about fun not fuss.
by Ky Henderson
“People tend to think that you simply get caught up in the moment, the stars and planets align, and then—boom!—it just happens,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, sexologist and author of The Hot Guide to Safer Sex. “In reality, it takes a great deal of time and practice. Yet couples assume that since they’re not having them—or not having them enough—they don’t have a good sex life.”
Which, of course, is baloney. Women typically need a different kind of stimulation than men—rarely obtained from vaginal sex alone—and they typically need it for a longer period of time. If you don’t approach it correctly, those basic physiological discrepancies could turn coordinating your climaxes into a tedious, unsexy logistical nightmare.
Luckily, there are ways to help close the gap between woman and man that don’t require both parties picturing an oiled-up Brad Pitt in a French sailor uniform.
For starters, since many women find it easier to have their second, or even third, orgasms after they’ve enjoyed their first, the woman can come once as a warm-up before both partners go for the gold.
After several unsuccessful tries for simultaneous O’s, Jay and Violet* found that paying attention to her needs first ultimately served both of their best interests. “If Jay goes down on me with minimal foreplay, I’ll have a ‘mini-orgasm’ that leaves me wanting another,” says Violet, a 33-year-old Web editor. “That’s when I’ll get on top of him so that I’m in control, and he has access to my clitoris. When I’m ready, I simply speed up, and that usually puts him over the edge.”
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1 Debra // Sep 26, 2006 at 1:22 pm
I think it’s the powerful combination of coonection and deep love. You’re so insync with the person and you pay attention to the que. All women don’t need clitoral stimulation, I enjoy mine from deep penetration (not painful) but the deep movement and together we know each other. Over time its gotten better and more intense for both of us. We’re on the same wave length.
2 Anonymous // Jun 28, 2006 at 12:44 am
Tantric sex indeed is incredible and real. I have the luxury of truthfully saying that I am a totally passionate creature - but have truly had the most “simultaneous orgasms” with the one man I have truly loved the most in this world so far and that did make it better than anything else I have had. He would say “its not fair - you are just too good!! you are driving me crazy - but the fact is that it happened more because of our chemistry and true feelings for eachother. The times we were having “lottery talk” or telling eachother “our dreams” - was the hottest that way - I think you can make certain orgasms happen with tricks - but from experience - sometimes it is truly just pure love and chemistry that magically provides the hottest thing you have ever felt - in all positions. Awesome - just be free with who you love…and it will happen.
ILY P.
3 Anonymous // May 17, 2006 at 8:03 pm
Yes, expectations certainly have the potential to set a couple up for a less than expected experience but that doesn’t mean that an attempt can’t be made. This arguement would never stop a couple who have studied Tantric techniques.
The better you get at discovering and developing your own sexual/sensual potential the more enhanced your experiences will be. We are all responsible for our own pleasure - our partner is not. The more you learn, practice, explore, expand, and refine the more rewards you will reap. These are simple yet profound practices that have the potential to change not only your sexual experiences but your life.
Tantric sex isn’t really the destination, it’s simply one of the vehicles to the destination, but it is a very fun ride getting there!
Suzie@tantra.com