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Reaching The Simultaneous Orgasm
For couples, having an orgasm at the same time should be about fun not fuss.
by Ky Henderson
It can be as straightforward as one person telling the other that an orgasm is imminent, or as subtle as looking for physical signs that someone is about to come—held breath, arched back, a look on their face like they’ve just learned Bambi’s mother died.
Be sure not to let expressing what you’re feeling take you out of the moment. “Women need to feel comfortable communicating, and men need to be adept at recognizing a woman’s signs of arousal,” explains Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. “Studies have shown that women’s brains basically shut down when they near orgasm, so being too conscious of talking about it can interfere with a process that should be subconscious.”
Though discussing your state of arousal ad nauseum can be a real turnoff, a little dirty talk can be sexy and deliver essential information. That’s how Ken and Wendy inadvertently discovered the position that practically ensures simultaneous orgasms: in bed—but in separate ones, 3,000 miles apart. “We always came at the same time when we had phone sex,” explains Wendy, a 37-year-old chemist. “But we seldom talked when we were in the same place having sex, and we had a lot of trouble coming together. When we kind of combined the two, we found out that it synced us up almost immediately.”
Good communication helping a couple function better as a unit? Now I’ve heard everything.
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1 Debra // Sep 26, 2006 at 1:22 pm
I think it’s the powerful combination of coonection and deep love. You’re so insync with the person and you pay attention to the que. All women don’t need clitoral stimulation, I enjoy mine from deep penetration (not painful) but the deep movement and together we know each other. Over time its gotten better and more intense for both of us. We’re on the same wave length.
2 Anonymous // Jun 28, 2006 at 12:44 am
Tantric sex indeed is incredible and real. I have the luxury of truthfully saying that I am a totally passionate creature - but have truly had the most “simultaneous orgasms” with the one man I have truly loved the most in this world so far and that did make it better than anything else I have had. He would say “its not fair - you are just too good!! you are driving me crazy - but the fact is that it happened more because of our chemistry and true feelings for eachother. The times we were having “lottery talk” or telling eachother “our dreams” - was the hottest that way - I think you can make certain orgasms happen with tricks - but from experience - sometimes it is truly just pure love and chemistry that magically provides the hottest thing you have ever felt - in all positions. Awesome - just be free with who you love…and it will happen.
ILY P.
3 Anonymous // May 17, 2006 at 8:03 pm
Yes, expectations certainly have the potential to set a couple up for a less than expected experience but that doesn’t mean that an attempt can’t be made. This arguement would never stop a couple who have studied Tantric techniques.
The better you get at discovering and developing your own sexual/sensual potential the more enhanced your experiences will be. We are all responsible for our own pleasure - our partner is not. The more you learn, practice, explore, expand, and refine the more rewards you will reap. These are simple yet profound practices that have the potential to change not only your sexual experiences but your life.
Tantric sex isn’t really the destination, it’s simply one of the vehicles to the destination, but it is a very fun ride getting there!
Suzie@tantra.com