Charitable Giving: A New Way To Bond

by Martha Baer

“What are you, crazy? You’re giving money away?”

“My family always tithed; it’s what you do.”

“But we can’t even send the kid to camp!”

Like so many other patterns, contributing to charity—or not—is often built into family traditions and reveals deep, intergenerational values. While one partner might feel living well and spending on his own family is a tribute to his parents—“it’s what they worked so hard for”—the other might interpret that stance as stingy or morally wrong.

“It’s really about understanding why both positions are important, in a calm setting,” Shapiro explains. “If it matters to one person, it matters.” And then it’s about making a deal. One couple Shapiro worked with agreed that if the wife spent lavishly on throwing a party, the husband could donate a matching amount to charities that year.