Should I Tell My Date I Want A Baby?

by Cathi Hanauer and Daniel Jones

Dan: Wait: You’re worried about freaking him out for no reason? This is a huge decision, and it will exact an emotional toll, whatever the result. If you decide to keep it a secret from your Really Great Guy (R.G.G.), how can you reveal to him anything more than your most superficial self? Granted, some men don’t want much more than a woman’s most superficial self. But is this the kind of man you want? No good can come from waiting. I see four possible scenarios:

1) You grow closer, but don’t sleep together. Meanwhile, the A.I. works, and you have to drop a true bombshell, at which point he freaks out and leaves you.

2) You grow closer, sleep together, and you find yourself pregnant by you’re-not-sure-whom. A year later, you, your baby, and your R.G.G. appear on one of Maury Povich’s paternity-test segments, at which point all of your friends freak out and leave you.

3) You grow closer and fail to get pregnant by R.G.G. or A.I., but he freaks out and leaves you anyway because, let’s face it, a great guy can probably tell when a woman isn’t being straight with him about the most important emotional issue in her life.

4) You don’t grow closer. You don’t get pregnant. You break up with R.G.G. and remain alone and childless. Nobody freaks out, but it’s still kind of depressing.