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The Moving-In-Together Survival Guide
Joining spaces can challenge a relationship. Tips on how to transition.
by Dean Chandler
You don’t even know what happened. One morning, after a wonderful night of high-grade passion and high-viscosity intimacy at her place, probably over an omelet and under a bright sun, you said something to the effect of, “I think we should move in together.” That was it.
With the tactical pace of Colombian kidnappers, she began her offensive. Commands like “Move that there” and “You don’t need that anymore!” flew like mother-and-hooker jokes in a frat house. Armed with clothing and toiletries, she continued her siege. You threw up your hands and surrendered.
The deal is done. The fat is in the fire. Now you must accept her terms: In exchange for her moving in, you will forego any personal space and agree to store or pitch half of all things that make up the singular “you.” In addition, you will allow her 24-hour access to your psyche where, at her discretion, she will chip away at your identity until she has created a new, more dependent, and collective “you.”
The collective you, if you haven’t figured it out, is who you become when you commit fully to a loving relationship. You are no longer just you. You are you and your girlfriend/fiancée/wife. Every decision, every action, every reaction, affects the whole, the entire unit of two. It’s a heavy thing, and a heavy decision. Not too dissimilar to buying a car, or a house, or any other big, bulky purchase that represents maturity and the dreaded specter of responsibility. This collective you is a very foreign concept for the single you. It’s new math. For years you only had to remember what “you” wanted. What do “you” want for dinner? Will “you” have another drink? Should “you” go to the gym or stay on the couch for another hour watching TV with no pants on?
What it comes down to: The collective you is simply superior to the singular you. Instinctually, we all know this, which is why we go out and seek it. True, you give up more than 50 percent of your living space to scented candles, throw pillows, and other useless cargo, but you gain the power of two.
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1 Felicity // Oct 30, 2008 at 1:52 am
Women have been stereotyped in this article but so have men… not all men are lazy, beer-drinking, self-centered pricks who see the only benefit of having a girlfriend as sex. Thank god my boyfriends got more brains and class.
2 Someone // Jul 9, 2008 at 6:16 pm
When guys who think that “most” women are like the women depicted in this article find that all the women they end up with do, in fact, match this stereo-type– they tend not to realize that it’s because the women who fit their preconceived image are the only ones who are going to be interested in them! No reasonable woman is going to move in with a man who thinks of women the way the man who wrote this article does– so instead, he ends up with a woman like the one he described, turning his prejudices into a self-fulfilling prophesy.
3 Refiloe // Jun 4, 2008 at 8:52 am
one day you hate each other so much you start making inner comments the next you just cant keep away from each other
4 Arthur // May 25, 2008 at 10:48 am
This is a very good article it makes me look forward to my future move in endevour.
5 Becky // May 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Dean, you’re a sexist ass. How about you move past the dated characterization of females as those “chipping away” at male identities, controlling and manipulative? Thanks a bunch.
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