The Joy of the Quickie
Posted By admin On February 7, 2006 @ 4:26 pm In Articles, Feature, Married, PLS Taken, ST Sex, Sex -Main, Spring 2005 | 20 Comments
If your lover took you out to the city’s finest restaurant night after night, wouldn’t you soon be craving burritos and beans at your local Mexican place?
Sure you would, and this ennui with routine is true for sex as well. Romantic, meaningful sex is wonderful—but sometimes it just seems like a lot of work.
Consider this probably not unfamiliar situation: You are horny, but you don’t have the time (or desire) for a prolonged love-making session. You just have an itch you’d like your lover to scratch, then you’d like to get back to your spreadsheet…This is the moment for a quickie.
You mean no disrespect or lack of love for your partner, but this isn’t about love—it’s about lust. Wonderful, old-fashioned, heat-seeking lust. It’s not that anyone would do. No, this is about the pleasure you can get from, and the [1] desire you can have for, the person you are with.
A quickie full of animal need and immediate gratification is a part of being alive and vibrant together. If you feel insulted because your partner wants you this way—or embarrassed that you just want something closer to what Erica Jong called the “zipless fuck”—you haven’t understood that a quickie is a form of intimacy. It is giving intense, sudden sexual access without asking for motivation or justification.
I know this sounds more like a male rationalization than a female fantasy. And plenty of women are put off by a partner’s request for passionate sex without romantic foreplay.
But I have interviewed a number of wives and girlfriends who say more or less the same thing: “Sometimes I don’t want the music, the flowers, the words, the tender tracing of my body. Sometimes I simply want to be tackled when I am coming through the door, and made to feel insanely desirable.”
Quick doesn’t necessarily mean second best. We don’t dislike the sandwich because it is not chicken Piccata. Au contraire—we sometimes choose the sandwich over more elegant competition precisely because, in its own humble way, it is satisfying and special.
Of course the sandwich has no say in the matter, and a partner does. This is why communication makes all the difference. A woman can enjoy a quickie as much as a man if she is turned on and therefore “ready.”
As one told me recently, “He thinks I don’t want quickies, but he’s wrong. Sometimes I feel as irrationally randy as he does. I just have to be in the right mood, and I need to know he is being sexy, not pushy.”
A code phrase that each person understands can set the stage immediately. For example, “I want you–now!” or “Take me” can be the signal for playful, intense sex.
Clients say that as long as they negotiate what conduct is welcome between them, it is perfectly all right for one person to grab the other and start stripping off clothes. (Although someone has to tell men that tearing off an expensive blouse is not a turn-on!)
The eroticism of surprise–a reminder of the full force of your lover’s need and desire–can be a powerful tool. Granted, you wouldn’t want a diet of nothing but sandwiches or a sex life that was continually Wham, bam, thank you Fran/Sam. But as an [2] additional spice, the quickie can be part of every creative [3] lover’s cookbook.
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., is a therapist and professor of sociology at the
20 Comments To "The Joy of the Quickie"
#1 Comment By Anonymous On April 19, 2006 @ 5:15 pm
I agree sometimes you do just want a “quickie”, but hold on guys, just because we say getting a quickie is ok, doesn’t mean doing it really, really, really quickly is ok. Mike take a lesson!
#2 Comment By Anonymous On April 26, 2006 @ 9:18 am
One of my most cherished memories is of a walk with my lover in a world-class garden park, in high spring, when she turned to me and said “I have my diaphragm in”. That told me: she had planned this quickie; planned it for the outside, and sprung it on me as a pleasant surprise.
I was blown away by her consideration; she had told me previously that having the diaphragm in position for several hours often left her with a feeling of congestion, yet here she was, subjecting herself to that, for us. What a gal.
Jimmy
#3 Comment By Anonymous On June 7, 2006 @ 5:44 pm
Nothing better than the “quick fix”! Healthy and delicious, it should be a must on the love menu.
Girls, stop pretending as if we don’t enjoy it as much as the guys and treat yourselves with great sexy short lunch break. Better than the gym and healthier than the local deli…You’ll see what I mean!
#4 Comment By Anonymous On June 21, 2006 @ 1:24 pm
One of our most exciting sexual memories is when we just looked at each other as we past an empty parking lot at midnight. We did not even say anything until it was over. We pulled into the back of the lot and parked. I jumped up on the trunk and we did each other like crazed animals for about 5 minutes. We each had a very wild “O” grabed our clothes and jumped in the car and went home for some great long love making. The lot is gone but our memories are not! We relive the experience some times late at night when we both thought we were too tired!
#5 Comment By Anonymous On June 22, 2006 @ 9:42 am
Quickies are great. They are right .. with kids and work. sometimes quickies is the best thing..especially when u have an unexpexted mood swing and you mad for no reason.. JUST GIVE IT TO ME!! :o)
#6 Comment By Anonymous On June 26, 2006 @ 9:30 am
There was nothing like the morning my hubby grabbed me and shut the bedroom door in the middle of me getting teens ready for school and me ready for work and he said he just couldn’t wait. I had about 15 minutes before I had to be out the door and I went to work on time with a big grin on my face because I felt beautiful enough that he couldn’t handle waiting.
#7 Comment By Anonymous On June 26, 2006 @ 4:59 pm
AMEN!
#8 Comment By Anonymous On July 2, 2006 @ 9:19 pm
rico
#9 Comment By Brandalynn On July 16, 2006 @ 4:55 am
I think sometimes, people get too hung up on labels. To many, ” quickie” gives a negative intent. When you are self secure, and not second guessing the intent of the ” quickie”, you are at the point that you understand your depth of feeing for your partner. I don’t think routine, waiting for the right time, shows depth in a relationship.I don’t think lust, is just a sex partner. Love and lust can be a part of a good relationship.
#10 Comment By Heather On July 25, 2006 @ 7:36 pm
Ok! Quikies are fun and adventerous and there is nothing like getting a text in the middle of the day that says “I want you right now”. But this is ok 1 or 2 times. All my boyfriend wants from me is quikies, there is no more love making in our relationship.
#11 Comment By Danielle On July 29, 2006 @ 12:39 pm
Quickies can be great. Espically if you don’t have a lot of time such as on a lunch break or just finished a project and decide to hit up your partner and have some fun. They aren’t ok all the time but they can help make your day a whole lot better and make you feel even better.
#12 Comment By Ian On August 10, 2006 @ 10:32 am
After many years of marriage, I can say that the quicky is sometimes can revive our relationship. There really isn’t time, with kids and the like, to have many long evenings together. But waking her up with a wordless romp in the early morning says “I’ve been dreaming of you” and we both feel better about ourselves. It doesn’t replace romance, just adds spice!
#13 Comment By Shauna On August 15, 2006 @ 12:40 am
I think quickies are great! I like to surprise my boyfriend with a quickie- once on his birthday on a park bench!! We both loved it!
#14 Comment By Becky On August 22, 2006 @ 9:36 am
I agree that a quickie can add spice to your life. I also know that it is a great thing if both partners are ready for it. Sadly my partner wants most of our sex to be quickies that revolve around him. I find it hard to be turned on anymore because of this selfish attitude. He is also having a hard time with his drive right now too…so I have to wait and wait and wait, then suddenly my waiting is over in two minutes and I wait for the next time.
When we had our first quickie I grabbed him and tossed him down on the bed. I was done in about two minutes. That lit his fire and has made him think that every encounter should be that way. 
In the right relationship, the right time, the right mood, the quickie is a great tool. Use it!
#15 Comment By Doug On May 18, 2007 @ 2:48 pm
With 3 kids, my Mom, and one of my wife’s friends and her 2 kids all living under the same roof, the quickie is almost all we ever have time for. I agree they can be great but I relish (and miss!) the hours of lovemaking that characterized our early marriage :-
#16 Comment By Aristedes DuVal On February 11, 2008 @ 11:46 am
I for one , LoVE a Quickie. Hippie Valentine’s Day to Y’all!
#17 Pingback By 5 Things I Wish I Knew About Sex at 30 On February 12, 2008 @ 10:12 am
[…] to be whipped up into a fine froth instead of demanding so much passion right at the start. Quickies and immediate penetration can be sexy as hell, but it usually means that you stay in the foothills instead of reaching the higher […]
#18 Pingback By Study: Quick Sex Is Best On March 6, 2008 @ 3:09 pm
[…] is rotten in the state of Denmark. Isn’t the quickie something to be enjoyed because it is a break from the usual big show? It’s like the lightning round is exciting because […]
#19 Comment By The Needle On July 27, 2008 @ 10:12 pm
What makes the quickie work is the aftermath. If you “go back to your spreadsheet,” as the article mentions, your partner’s going to feel used. If, on the other hand, you spend a good long while telling her that she’s beautiful and that you did that becuase she’s just so goddamn sexy you couldn’t control yourself, it works ofr both of you.
#20 Comment By Perfect AK 10 On October 2, 2008 @ 5:56 pm
WoW!!! Quickies are great! I love the time well spent in love making but sometimes I just want to be ravished and lusted for, the groping, and
Article printed from Tango Media: http://www.tangomag.com
URL to article: http://www.tangomag.com/200645/the-psychology-of-the-quickie.html
URLs in this post:
[1] desire you can have: http://www.tangomag.com/200659/fantasize-matters.html
[2] additional spice: http://www.tangomag.com/200636/sm-for-beginners.html
[3] lover’s cookbook: http://www.tangomag.com/2007216/eat-drink-man-woman.html
Click here to print.