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What’s Your Infidelity IQ? Find Out Now
A 20-question quiz reveals if you're a cheater-in-waiting
by Pat Love, Ed.D.
The quiz can raise “red flags.” It also has a way of breaking through denial. I worked with a couple in which the man had a “friendship” with another woman that felt threatening to his partner. She had a difficult time getting him to understand how a non-sexual relationship could be a threat and it was only when he reacted so strongly to the idea of moving away from the friendship that he realized how very attached he’d become to the other woman. A primary love relationship is about being lovers, best friends, confidants, and financial and social partners. Sharing these roles with a third person drains the energy and dilutes the intimacy of that primary bond.
Have you been surprised at what people see as “acceptable” behavior outside the committed relationship?
Yes. At times I will look at their responses and think, “You don’t really believe that is OK, do you?” It explains why the infidelity rate is so high.
Do you often find an imbalance between the way subjects see their own behavior vs. that of their partners?
You bet. A common response is “I know my motivation and commitment to my relationship, therefore I know that spending time with an attractive friend is not a threat to it, but I don’t know if my partner knows where to draw the line.” I.e., I trust myself but I don’t trust him/her.
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1 How To Make Long-Distance Love Work // Jul 25, 2008 at 6:06 pm
[…] are identical to their geographically close counterparts. LDR couples might worry more about infidelity, but they don’t actually cheat more. Post Comment 1 2 3 4 5 >> […]
2 an // May 17, 2008 at 10:35 pm
You are an idiot Rio. Having sex with someone else is not being loyal to your partner! As much as most men fantasize about threesomes, if in a serious relationship it is better left to fantasy. Why would your ex pick an attractive women to have a threesome with you?? Use your brain genuis. The article is right, if you are attracted to someone, you should keep away from him/her. And spending intimate moments, even if they are only conversations, is getting involved with someone emotionally and drains your actual relationship. It just is not fair. If you are uncertain about your relationship, don’t drag the other person around. Do them a favor and let them know how you feel.
3 Rio // Mar 18, 2008 at 10:50 am
None of this means anything. It is the total loyality that counts. That also means being able to allow the other attractive to very attractive friends. One ex I had did the opposite she did want the excitement of threesomes but she chose unattractive women. I came to resent this as a slight on me and what she thought