|
Can Women Have It All?
One working mother investigates why women should juggle a career and family.
by Leslie Bennetts
When you’re 30, you still have what employers see as “potential.” When you’re 50—or if you’re female, maybe a minute over 40—you don’t. That’s the hard truth, no matter what some women may choose to believe. I recently ran into a female executive at the company where my friend Beth used to work. When she told me to give Beth her regards, I glared at her. “Why wouldn’t you people let her back in?” I asked indignantly. “She can’t find a job. You know how good she is! What’s the problem?”
The executive shrugged. “She’s an older woman, and they don’t want older women,” she said. “It’s as simple as that.” We both knew that by “they,” she was referring to the men who run the corporation.
I’m not claiming it’s impossible for a woman to leave the work force and return successfully; some manage this feat, although many have to settle for lesser jobs or lower incomes. Nor am I saying it’s always wrong to stay home; no doubt women who are lucky enough to be supported throughout their lives by devoted, healthy, well-to-do husbands would argue that being a full-time wife was an excellent career choice. But that choice can turn into a catastrophe for those who aren’t so fortunate.
Even if your spouse lives up to his wedding vows, his fidelity won’t help you support your family if he dies. Another woman I know is married to a man with such an illustrious career that she felt free to focus on the needs of their four children. She and her husband are only in their forties, but he has just been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer that may not give him much time to live. I know half a dozen other people in their forties, all parents of young children, who have died of cancer or received terminal diagnoses in the last couple of years. (And that’s not even counting the husbands who dropped dead of heart attacks.) The wives lie awake at three a.m. in a cold sweat, wondering how their families are going to survive.
   (3 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5) Loading ... |
Email to a Friend
Share on Facebook
Digg It
Delicious
Newsvine
Stumble
Reddit
1 Mark // Oct 1, 2006 at 4:32 pm
A very well written article, but I am struck by the short shrift it gives to the children. Look, when you become a parent, male or female, it becomes about your kids, not you. The article also raises lots of specters of men leaving women, ignoring the fact that in the majority of divorces, the woman is the partner who initiates the breakup. After my ex-wife split from me and the kids, I had no choice but to work two jobs while raising children. The kids have ended up OK, but I wonder how much better they would have been had they had a full-time parent, and not been just appointment-parented.
2 SAHM and proud! // Sep 25, 2006 at 11:12 pm
The author of the article did an excelent job of voicing her opinion. But it is not the choice of all women today. I feel like I am blessed to be able to stay at home with my little girl. I praise my Husband for doing the work that he does. It is not easy, he works out of town in a field position for 2-3 weeks at a time. But when he gets home, it is all about US, the 3 of US. Fortunetely we do not have any financial set backs, but we did at one point when he had an injury, and was off of work for 3 months, but we worked around it, and we are going strong today.
I was raised with my mom always there for me, and I want the same for my daughter. To all you moms choosing to stay at home, be proud. To those who choose to work, I admire your determination.
3 Marilyn // Sep 8, 2006 at 8:24 pm
This article is so true. My husband is disabled, and I have been the sole support for our family for the past 8 years. Both his mother and mine were stay-at-home moms who were divorced after long marriages and had to support kids w/little help. What really bugs is why the “at-home” advocates always think that parent should be the mother. Everyone acts like children are more the mother’s responsiblity than the dad’s, but that is sexist and outdated.
4 Anonymous // Aug 10, 2006 at 11:34 pm
Thank you for this wake-up call for women who don’t see the need to be self-sufficient. This article raises many good points and names many of the reasons that I plan to focus on my career and be independent. After seeing my college-educated mother, who worked during my childhood, land on her feet after my parents divorced, I can see that nothing is certain in life, especially not a husband. And as a woman who was raised by a Boomer mom with a career, I think I had a lovely, wonderful childhood that was improved, not harmed, by the fact that my mom had a career and responsibilities outside the home. A great article.
5 Annmarie // Aug 3, 2006 at 10:30 am
Working for someone else is a cop out. If your family needs supplemental income, and most do, make use of your talents or skills by working at home. We sacrificed - not cushy - to keep our children’s mother at home where she belongs. Our diningroom is smack dab in the middle of my our kitchen and my home office. That is where our entire family meets at the end of each day - everyday! If you were sitting at our dinner table you would read a plaque above each entry way; one to the ktichen and one to my home office, and this is what you would read - “This is exactly where I belong”.
They are your kids YOU RAISE THEM.
Read All 20 Comments on Can Women Have It All?