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Can Women Have It All?
One working mother investigates why women should juggle a career and family.
by Leslie Bennetts
I understand the desire for a “pleasurable, struggle-free life”—and if you know where to get one, please sign me up, too. But that isn’t the nature of the human condition; most lives contain many struggles of various kinds. The idea that you can escape such challenges forever is a fantasy few people will find borne out by reality.
Which is why I cannot comprehend the current epidemic of wishful thinking among younger wives who assume they can always depend on their husbands financially. The risk they are taking amazes me. These are smart, capable women who would never be so rash as to raise a family without medical insurance or life insurance or home insurance, but who think nothing of betting everything they’ve got on a lifelong run of good luck that isn’t supported by the actuarial tables. Since women typically live longer than men, most of us end up alone eventually, no matter what kind of guy we marry. Can we really afford to stake our children’s futures, not to mention our own, on a roll of the cosmic dice?
Nor do I understand the backlash against the whole idea of “having it all.” Yes, it’s hard to juggle the demands of a job and the needs of your family. Yes, you often feel frazzled. Yes, it’s true that you don’t get enough time for yourself.
But it’s not true that your children necessarily get shortchanged; studies show that working women spend almost as much time with their kids as do stay-at-home moms. And what working mothers get in return for their labor is priceless: not only the incomparable joy of family life plus the tremendous satisfaction of earning their own individual successes, but also the peace of mind in knowing they can always take care of themselves and their kids if something happens to their partners.
Or to their partners’ incomes. A few months ago, the company where my husband worked was sold. The new owner fired my husband’s boss, replacing her with a younger man who informed my husband that his services were no longer needed. Nothing personal: just business. Out with the old team, in with the new.
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1 Mark // Oct 1, 2006 at 4:32 pm
A very well written article, but I am struck by the short shrift it gives to the children. Look, when you become a parent, male or female, it becomes about your kids, not you. The article also raises lots of specters of men leaving women, ignoring the fact that in the majority of divorces, the woman is the partner who initiates the breakup. After my ex-wife split from me and the kids, I had no choice but to work two jobs while raising children. The kids have ended up OK, but I wonder how much better they would have been had they had a full-time parent, and not been just appointment-parented.
2 SAHM and proud! // Sep 25, 2006 at 11:12 pm
The author of the article did an excelent job of voicing her opinion. But it is not the choice of all women today. I feel like I am blessed to be able to stay at home with my little girl. I praise my Husband for doing the work that he does. It is not easy, he works out of town in a field position for 2-3 weeks at a time. But when he gets home, it is all about US, the 3 of US. Fortunetely we do not have any financial set backs, but we did at one point when he had an injury, and was off of work for 3 months, but we worked around it, and we are going strong today.
I was raised with my mom always there for me, and I want the same for my daughter. To all you moms choosing to stay at home, be proud. To those who choose to work, I admire your determination.
3 Marilyn // Sep 8, 2006 at 8:24 pm
This article is so true. My husband is disabled, and I have been the sole support for our family for the past 8 years. Both his mother and mine were stay-at-home moms who were divorced after long marriages and had to support kids w/little help. What really bugs is why the “at-home” advocates always think that parent should be the mother. Everyone acts like children are more the mother’s responsiblity than the dad’s, but that is sexist and outdated.
4 Anonymous // Aug 10, 2006 at 11:34 pm
Thank you for this wake-up call for women who don’t see the need to be self-sufficient. This article raises many good points and names many of the reasons that I plan to focus on my career and be independent. After seeing my college-educated mother, who worked during my childhood, land on her feet after my parents divorced, I can see that nothing is certain in life, especially not a husband. And as a woman who was raised by a Boomer mom with a career, I think I had a lovely, wonderful childhood that was improved, not harmed, by the fact that my mom had a career and responsibilities outside the home. A great article.
5 Annmarie // Aug 3, 2006 at 10:30 am
Working for someone else is a cop out. If your family needs supplemental income, and most do, make use of your talents or skills by working at home. We sacrificed - not cushy - to keep our children’s mother at home where she belongs. Our diningroom is smack dab in the middle of my our kitchen and my home office. That is where our entire family meets at the end of each day - everyday! If you were sitting at our dinner table you would read a plaque above each entry way; one to the ktichen and one to my home office, and this is what you would read - “This is exactly where I belong”.
They are your kids YOU RAISE THEM.
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