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Can Women Have It All?
One working mother investigates why women should juggle a career and family.
by Leslie Bennetts
Even when our parents stayed married, it was painfully apparent that many mothers were frustrated by a domestic life that didn’t provide the independent identity or the manifold satisfactions offered by a career. Not that being a mother isn’t a rewarding job, but after all, men don’t have to choose between being parents and being economically self-sufficient professionals, so why should women?
Or so we thought back then. Now, in
As are their families, I’m sure. When mothers drop out of the workforce, it’s usually with the best possible motives. Instead of being frantic all the time, they will be able to concentrate solely on their children and husbands, creating lovely home lives and nurturing their families in every possible way—or so the theory goes.
The experience of previous generations notwithstanding, Barash found that these women share an almost mystical belief that such devotion will ensure the success of their marriages. “They feel there will be less conflict; they won’t be torn in so many directions,” she explains. “They’re saying, ‘I’m not going to stress out my marriage and get divorced.’”
It’s a great idea—unless something goes wrong. What are these über-moms going to do if they end up having to support themselves? When you ask them about that possibility, they generally look shocked and offended. “My marriage is terrific,” they say stiffly, glaring as if you’d just turned into the skunk at the garden party. They assure you that their wedded bliss will last forever.
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1 Mark // Oct 1, 2006 at 4:32 pm
A very well written article, but I am struck by the short shrift it gives to the children. Look, when you become a parent, male or female, it becomes about your kids, not you. The article also raises lots of specters of men leaving women, ignoring the fact that in the majority of divorces, the woman is the partner who initiates the breakup. After my ex-wife split from me and the kids, I had no choice but to work two jobs while raising children. The kids have ended up OK, but I wonder how much better they would have been had they had a full-time parent, and not been just appointment-parented.
2 SAHM and proud! // Sep 25, 2006 at 11:12 pm
The author of the article did an excelent job of voicing her opinion. But it is not the choice of all women today. I feel like I am blessed to be able to stay at home with my little girl. I praise my Husband for doing the work that he does. It is not easy, he works out of town in a field position for 2-3 weeks at a time. But when he gets home, it is all about US, the 3 of US. Fortunetely we do not have any financial set backs, but we did at one point when he had an injury, and was off of work for 3 months, but we worked around it, and we are going strong today.
I was raised with my mom always there for me, and I want the same for my daughter. To all you moms choosing to stay at home, be proud. To those who choose to work, I admire your determination.
3 Marilyn // Sep 8, 2006 at 8:24 pm
This article is so true. My husband is disabled, and I have been the sole support for our family for the past 8 years. Both his mother and mine were stay-at-home moms who were divorced after long marriages and had to support kids w/little help. What really bugs is why the “at-home” advocates always think that parent should be the mother. Everyone acts like children are more the mother’s responsiblity than the dad’s, but that is sexist and outdated.
4 Anonymous // Aug 10, 2006 at 11:34 pm
Thank you for this wake-up call for women who don’t see the need to be self-sufficient. This article raises many good points and names many of the reasons that I plan to focus on my career and be independent. After seeing my college-educated mother, who worked during my childhood, land on her feet after my parents divorced, I can see that nothing is certain in life, especially not a husband. And as a woman who was raised by a Boomer mom with a career, I think I had a lovely, wonderful childhood that was improved, not harmed, by the fact that my mom had a career and responsibilities outside the home. A great article.
5 Annmarie // Aug 3, 2006 at 10:30 am
Working for someone else is a cop out. If your family needs supplemental income, and most do, make use of your talents or skills by working at home. We sacrificed - not cushy - to keep our children’s mother at home where she belongs. Our diningroom is smack dab in the middle of my our kitchen and my home office. That is where our entire family meets at the end of each day - everyday! If you were sitting at our dinner table you would read a plaque above each entry way; one to the ktichen and one to my home office, and this is what you would read - “This is exactly where I belong”.
They are your kids YOU RAISE THEM.
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