When He Doesn’t Want Kids (and You Do)

by Susan King

(Page 2 of 2) Lincoln, Neb.I applaud that you both have been very clear and truthful with each other. When you’re in love–as you two clearly are–separating is awful and heartbreaking. But unless one or both of you truly overhauls how you view yourself, the other person, and the world, separating is the right choice. Your passion, friendship, and mutual respect go a long way, but when life goals and dreams are so different, it’s very difficult to remain satisfied as the months, then years, pass. Inevitably, what started as a win-win situation will become lose-lose.Your previous attempts to separate tell me that you both know it is very unlikely that you can evolve into successful lifelong mates. In fact, it seems you have already made the decision that separating and keeping your goals and dreams is better than staying together and giving them up.Your real struggle is facing the pain of actually ending the relationship.It is very sad when a couple realizes that they don’t share the same vision of “us.” As with any loss, you need to grieve in order to move on. Take your time, and go easy on yourself. Sometimes it takes lots of breakups, especially when the desire to be together remains strong. It doesn’t surprise me that you’ve tried four times. That doesn’t mean that you are “meant to be,” or that there’s some cosmic force keeping you together. Quite the opposite–it means that you’re on the right track, so hold steady. There’s nothing wrong with making your parting a slow process. Maybe that will soothe your broken hearts.With a little time and a little perspective, I think you will be surprised at how the many good things you’ve gotten from this relationship will stay with you. Being in this very special relationship is an important event that forever will be a part of you both, and will shape your future in ways you may not be able to predict right now. It may take another breakup or two, but eventually, going forward individually to realize your goals and dreams will feel more right than staying together. Hang in there.-Susi Susan King is a wife and entrepreneur in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Send her your dilemmas and contact her at susi@tangomag.com