20 Questions Once the Honeymoon is Over

by Susan Piver

When is the best time to ask these questions?
For some, a crisis may precipitate the conversation. For others, it may be a feeling of taking each other for granted, even a tiny bit. Anniversaries are a great time to reflect and take a pulse.

If you try to have this conversation too early, you’ll know–the questions will sound silly. And there’s no such thing as “too late,” but the longer you let troublesome issues stew, the harder it will be.

Wait until you both have the time and ability to focus. You may want to sit down at the kitchen table with a bottle of wine and run through every question. Or you can take one or two questions at a time, see how that goes.

Long drives, quiet walks, a dinner date, chilling on the couch (TV off)–all these are good settings. Answer only those questions that seem interesting or important to you. But note those that don’t; perhaps they’ll become relevant in the future.

Is it vital to reach agreement?
Absolutely not. You don’t need a laundry list of perfectly synchronized answers. If you happen to agree, that’s wonderful. If you don’t, fine. Knowing your partner’s thoughts and feelings is always good.