20 Questions Once the Honeymoon is Over

by Susan Piver

And if discussion is just too uncomfortable, each partner can write down his or her answers, and then swap (or not), or the willing partner can simply keep a journal of answers. Giving language to these feelings in any form can be beneficial.

Isn’t this a little scary? What if these questions uncover something we don’t want to hear?
Let’s face it: Our partner is going to disappoint us, make us mad, even bore us! It pays to find a way to discuss our feelings with both honesty and kindness. Better to talk now than to wait until someone gets really mad or becomes numb. The point is to create an atmosphere where differences and fears surface in a way that creates more intimacy, instead of less. Be brave.

The Hard Questions

1. What have you learned to appreciate about me that you didn’t know when we first married? (Or first became a couple.)

2. What have you learned that irritates, upsets, or frightens you?