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12 Relationship Red Flags
Is he the one? Dating dealbreakers you shouldn't ignore.
by Michael Shnayerson
Not long ago, I met a very attractive single mother of two at a dinner party in Sag Harbor, New York. We were seated next to each other—a “soft” setup—and by dessert, we were punctuating our stories with little touches: her hand on my forearm, mine on hers. Good signs.
Then the first of her two children, a boy of about ten, descended from an upstairs TV room. In each hand he clutched an action figure. This in itself was not disconcerting. It was the way he slammed the action figures into each other, his upper lip curled in a sneer, that gave me pause—that, and the adoring look his mother chose to bestow on him as he did.
Still, D—, the boy’s mother, was definitely worth a follow-up. A few days later, I drove over to the waterfront inn where she had encamped with her children for a brief summer vacation. The plan was a swim in the inn’s pool, then lunch at a nearby restaurant: a little ersatz family outing. D— ushered me into her room and announced the obvious fact of my arrival to her children.
Neither the boy nor his sister, two years older, looked over from the droning television. Not a word emanated from either one’s lips. D— told them to turn off the television and change into their swimsuits. They ignored her. So D— pretended she hadn’t asked them, and went into the bedroom to change. Only when the grownups started to leave did the children drag themselves, sluglike, behind us.
The swim was bad enough, with both children glowering at the grownups from their pool chairs. But lunch was worse. No sooner had the waiter taken our order than the girl seized one of the action figures from her brother’s fist and threw it across the restaurant. The boy screamed in outrage, hit his sister with the other action figure, then ran over to get the first one so he could hit her with that, too. As the sister returned fire with her fists, I turned to see what D— would do. “Now, come on, children,” she said gently, lovingly, pleadingly. “Now, come on … .”
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1 Cain // Aug 8, 2008 at 2:30 am
Ketchup on eggs??? Get the f*ck outta here!
Man either you just couldn’t come up with anything worth talking about or you have a total stick up your butt…
2 Wow // Aug 1, 2008 at 12:58 am
You (both) included the kids on your 2nd and 3rd dates? This kind of behaviour not only upsets kids it can damage them. Can’t bode well for the rest of your advice…
3 Gwen // Jul 15, 2008 at 8:56 pm
You do realize that the kids were probably acting up because they didn’t like you, right?
4 Mana // Jul 15, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Pretty good! Call me judgemental, but then again, I’m in a pretty damn happy relationship. My guy doesn’t put ketchup on eggs, but he does on everything else, and his lack of food sophistication is a flaw I can live with. The rest - rotten kids, lousy with money, cheap - good avice.
Personally, my rules of engagement:
First date:
Girls should sincerely OFFER to pay half - if she doesn’t guy should drop her.
THEN guy should INSIST on paying and do so - if he doesn’t, girls, drop him.
5 Susan // Jun 25, 2008 at 9:02 am
No wonder you’re single… you sound like a high maintenance pain in the butt.
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