|
12 Relationship Red Flags
Is he the one? Dating dealbreakers you shouldn't ignore.
by Michael Shnayerson
The Parent Trap.
Powerful emotions about one’s parents—positive or negative—are a huge red flag. For men, mother-worship is relationship death. One 50-year-old man I know has dated every single woman in New York and found, to his bafflement, that none is good enough—for his mother, that is. (She’s still calling the shots at age 85.) One of this guy’s many castoffs is a very attractive, successful woman of 42, whom I later dated myself. Now that I know both, I can only wonder who was the first to reject the other. It must have been like two gunfighters at the O.K. Corral. N— rejected me after three really nice dates because she decided my eight-year-old daughter, whom she hadn’t yet met, would be an “encumbrance” to our relationship. (Since she hadn’t met her, she couldn’t claim my daughter was a demon child.) Only after we became friends did I learn how much she resents both her parents. Coin-cidence? I don’t think so.
Bad sex.
I don’t need to go into detail here, do I? Except to say that bad sex may get better after a first, fumbling time, but bad sex two or three times in a row is sex that only gets worse. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that sex is just one part of a relationship, that laughter and shared values are as important, etc., etc. They’re not. Red flag. BIG red flag.
Dirty underwear and socks.
Your mother was right. They have to be clean. Dirty underwear is the hallmark of a secret slob, and every secret slob has many worse habits you don’t even want to think about—but will all too soon get to know if you don’t leave now.
The Anger Hum.
As he or she talks, not just about past romantic relationships but about work, friends, and family, listen for a low hum of anger, like a third rail running along the tracks of your new prospect’s life. For reasons I never quite figured out, I used to be attracted to women who had that vibe. Maybe it seemed sexy; maybe it reminded me of my mother. But I now know how to recognize anger—not shows of temper, which may be healthy in moderation, but the deeper, more destructive hum—and to back off when I hear it.
   (4 votes, average: 2.5 out of 5) Loading ... |
Email to a Friend
Share on Facebook
Digg It
Delicious
Newsvine
Stumble
Reddit
1 Brian // Oct 9, 2008 at 9:01 pm
First you spend the first whole page blabbing about yourself, then the rest of this long piece of garbage is completely narcissistic. Thanks for wasting my time. I registered at digg.com just to “bury” this article.
2 Tony // Oct 7, 2008 at 2:01 am
No splitting the tab? Even if the female is a CEO and the male is unemplyed? There’s so much wrong with your logic that I can’t even begin to fathom the working of your purile little brain.
3 aliena // Sep 26, 2008 at 9:38 am
What a great article! Before reading it, I wasn’t entirely sure what a rigid, superficial, unimaginative man might by the phrase “Well, you see, I’m a discriminating gentleman.”
One more warning signal: when a person uses the phrase “deal breaker” when discussing relationships. Bang on all you want about the social contract, sure; it’s still best to keep human connections far away from the language of the boardroom.
Tool.
4 Lady Briton // Sep 15, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Ketchup on eggs? A class issue? My dear Sir! Let’s hope you never meet a lovely British lady, because all of us joyfully slather ketchup on our eggs, from Covent Garden to Windsor Castle! You’d had to have rejected Princess Di.
5 shari // Sep 13, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Hey, Michael, just thought I’d enlighten you about ketchup—yup, on eggs. I’m a proud Pittburgher, and as everyone who’s anyone knows, we LOVE ketchup (Heinz, of course) on almost everything, including eggs. If an out-of-towner points out that we a making a faux-pas by drowning our eggs in Heinz ketchup, we look at him/her as if a second head has sprouted from just above his right shoulder. We are blissfully unaware of the rest of the nation’s ignorance of this delicacy. And we’re certain the world-view on this matter will change soon; after all, when was the last time you went into any major restaurant and saw Hunt’s catsup, hmmm?
Read All 82 Comments on 12 Relationship Red Flags