Learn to Love the Prenup

by Corinne Asturias

Nuptials are supposed to be some kind of bacchanalian lovefest of food, dancing, fabulous formalwear, and socially sanctioned sex. Anything “pre” that seems like it should at least involve fresh flowers and a punch bowl.

But a prenuptial agreement is a dry, signed, and preferably notarized sheaf of papers prepared by attorneys for a few thousand dollars. A document whose popularity, some lawyers say, has doubled in the last five years. A stack of what-ifs whose creation and discussion, as certified family-law specialist Bob Nachshin will tell you, has made grown men cry as they sit in their attorneys’ offices.

And, instead of being a threat to anyone’s dream of true love and happily-ever-after, it’s really more of a blueprint for the business end of your life together. For an increasing number of women, particularly women with homes, businesses, stock, careers, and kids from previous marriages, the prenup is becoming one of those things you just have to hold your nose and get through.

Done right, and according to the laws of your state, it can actually help you sleep better. And the process may even yield some very revealing—and critical—insights about the person you’re planning to marry.

“I see a lot more women,” says Nachshin, who cowrote, with Scott Weston, I Do, You Do … But Just Sign Here, and who successfully represented Barry Bonds in the athlete’s landmark California Supreme Court battle with his first wife. “It used to be that only men wanted agreements, and women were being forced into them, but with the advent of women in the workforce—and many of them doctors, lawyers, business owners, execs, and so on—a lot of women want to protect themselves.” He pauses. “I think you’re crazy if you don’t have one.”