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The Key To A Sexy Marriage
The secret to a happy marriage, as described by a wise sex therapist.
by Jesse Kornbluth
JK: Let’s get mental. How does a soccer mom change from a drudge in an apron to a hottie? Drugs? Alcohol?
EP: You take off your apron. You shift identity. The mom doesn’t become sexy; the woman does. You have to retrieve the woman from the mother. And she may need to separate to do that: a bath, a walk. She must cordon off an erotic space.
JK: Women are that different from men?
EP: Women—and men—need to understand that a woman’s transition is often much longer. The caretaker must leave the place of orientation to the needs of others to the place where she focuses on herself. That’s why these rituals are important—they redirect her attention. She needs to know that sex does not mean taking care of her husband.
EP: Depends. For her, far less often. To work, it must put her in touch with her own erotic self.
JK: Viagra—help or hindrance?
EP: A help at first, for some. But useless for 60 to 70 percent of men. And if you don’t look at context in the relationship— it’s of no use.
JK: Is there a magic bullet for couples that cherish monogamy and hot sex?
EP: I don’t have one.
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1 jacki // Apr 22, 2008 at 1:34 pm
The article was informative. I am the one giving the cues or flat out asking to get lucky. I hope to spark more intimacy in our home. His job is 24 hours and I think I should be first once I have put the kids to bed.
2 pp // Apr 21, 2008 at 6:19 am
The key to a sexy marriage: Before a woman gets married, make sure your man is a giver as well as a receiver. Have sex whenever he wants and if he is a giver, you will want it too.
3 With This Ring, I Thee Dread // Mar 4, 2008 at 10:33 am
[…] talking face to face isn’t getting the job done, renowned couples therapist Esther Perel suggests opening an e-mail account solely for communication with your mate. Or, you could even […]
4 Spiritual Sex: 10 Erotic Commandments // Feb 26, 2008 at 2:06 pm
[…] made up of body, soul, and spirit,when you make love with only your body, you’re getting only one third of the sex. Spirit and soul like sex, too, and they add immensely to the […]
5 coffee yogurt // Feb 18, 2008 at 9:15 pm
There are a few good pointers here, too few. Too many answers telling us what not to do, instead of what TO do. Too many effervescent, abstract replies that are of no pragmatic value. The last line “it isn’t about where his hand is, its about where he can take you” or something equally unhelpful. Sometimes the difference between lukewarm and hot sex is exactly where his hand is (or isn’t).
Read All 12 Comments on The Key To A Sexy Marriage