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Call Me Bridget Jones and I’ll Kill You
I could tell them about the investment banker I was dating six months ago. That very morning, he’d emailed me to see if I wanted to resume our ever-so-civilized, once-a-week relationship. I almost responded. Then I remembered: This is a guy who demands complete silence while eating takeout and watching CNN. ‘ Nuff said.
I could tell them about my 5-years-ago fling, a brilliant writer/producer, who announced to me over dinner last night that he is ready to start a family and thinks I might be a great match, now that I’m in my 30s and less crazy. Well. I might be a bit less crazy. But I remember when this man ingested a bottle of vodka and 15 Xanax and called me at 3AM to tell me that he was “floating away on a cloud.” And I don’t think I could deal with a husband who had float-away potential. Nope, not one for the grandparents.
I could tell them about the 24-year-old boy I made out with on a business trip last week…but somehow I don’t think that’s the match they have in mind.
So I just nod my head and make this weird not-quite-grimace.
“It’s very sad, I know,” I say.
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1 Anna Lisa // Sep 25, 2007 at 9:17 am
Michael,
You are amazing, I think that you are brilliant. I love your philosophy.
2 -Michael // Aug 16, 2007 at 4:08 pm
I think that you are on to something here….I have had several serious relationships for a number of years…and have now been “single” again for several years…and to a large degree very much like it. Funny thing is I really enjoy being around and in the mix when it comes to people. But also enjoy my time alone. But I am really starting to like the concept of the fact that I may remain single because it fits my lifestyle and specific values more than I think I have wanted to admit in the past. But acknowledging this realization has been a refreshing exercise. I am just not very interested in committment beyond a close nit group of intimate friends - small group of very close friends and then a larger group of friends that I am with on a very regular basis. When I do feel as though I need some consistent company between the adventure of exploring a new potential relationship via dating - it would be the intimate circle of friends that I would seek a deeper sense of companionship with rather than my next date. It is almost like I feel that finding that one person will just prevent me from experiencing everything else that is also out there and available to explore…and to me that would seem too far limiting the experience of it all. I guess I am just feeling great about the opportunity to move through life on a whim and not having to be overly concerned about what everyone else might think about the direction I choose to head in the middle of a given moment. It can be difficult to find the one comfortable enough to synchronize with this approach…because it is ever evolving…but because it always feels like you are beginning again…it perpetually keeps life fresh and new. It is like a constant renewal of the “beginner’s heart” in your approach to a repeated experience. But each time the experience is repeated you bring to bare additional wisdom that allows for a greater experience. In the grand scheme of things there is something very freeing about sharing a deeper sense of intimacy with several people as you move through your life. These combined experiences have a way of bringing life into much greater focus than a single relationship that always has the potential to become stale or static. Bringing the most out of a singles approach to life and intimacy does require a great amount of constant communications to correctly set expectations and define your intent…but if the friends you meet are able to share similar desires from your shared experiences…you can provide each other some of the best experiences without the downside. Obviously for many this means stepping outside their past approaches to shared experiences in relationships…and considering embracing more of an awareness that must be there to engage fully in the complete abundance of the opportunity that is available in precise moment. If we can but embrace what is totally available in the moment without all the expectations we might just find a way to fully appreciate who we are and who the other person sharing our experiences and our intimacy is really meant to be to us. So single again…or single in general has got some things of great value. If you can work it….it can certainly work for you.