Sex is Good for You! Ten Passion Truths

When I figured this out, I came up with a notion that has served Passion Parties well — the concept of the Passion Diva. As I see it, every woman has one, that lusty, sexy, sparkling creature who lives inside us and is just waiting to be let out. Your Passion Diva knows all about the kind of sex that will make your toes curl and your breath come more quickly. She knows what will get you tingling with anticipation and what will leave you glowing with pleasure. She’s the expert on which parts of your body like to be caressed and kissed, when you like it sweet and gentle, and when you’re looking for fiery and intense. Plus, she knows all sorts of things that will turn your man on and leave him panting with desire — and more than happy to satisfy you.

You may be best friends with your Passion Diva already — or you may not even have realized that she was there. Either way, she is what Passion Parties are all about. By the time you’re through with this book, you and your Passion Diva will be on the best of terms — and you’ll both know a whole lot more things you can do to fire up the passion between you and your partner.

Meanwhile, though let’s get back to me and Ollie. Like many young couples, we began our marriage by learning about each other sexually. Neither one of us had gotten all that much help in knowing what to expect, but we always loved each other, liked each other, and respected each other, and that went a long way towards helping us figure out the sexual part of things. Right from the beginning, I looked forward to waking up with Ollie each morning. I felt that I belonged with him— that when I was with him, I was home. I still love to go to sleep besides him and to wake up to his touch. But as with any marriage, between that first date and our forty-fifth anniversary last September came a whole set of unexpected challenges.

For one thing, we had children. Now I love my children dearly, and I wouldn’t trade a minute of that time they lived in my home—but as any mother knows, kids are not exactly an aphrodisiac. Figuring out how to keep the passion going, how to find the energy for sex and intimacy in the midst of midnight feedings and dirty diapers and soothing a sick child, could be pretty daunting at times. (If you want to know more about my secrets for keeping the intimacy alive after the kids come along, check out Chapter 5 on RomantaTherapy and learn how to become your own Romanta Therapist.) but I’m here to tell you from my own experience: You can keep the romance alive if you know what to do and stay committed to doing it.

Then, too, we both had demanding jobs— Ollie, right from the first; me, after the kids got a bit bigger. Suddenly, it seemed we didn’t even have time for a five-minute conversation, let alone for a luxurious evening of foreplay and everything that follows. He was tired, I was tired, and every time we got to where we maybe could have found a little energy, it seemed like one of the kids needed help with his homework or a Band-Aid for her skinned knee or maybe a quiet talk about her dating life. For both Ollie and me, learning how to slow down long enough to make time for each other — the kind of intimate time that includes talking, sharing, and cuddling as well as fantastic sex — has been a lifelong challenge. You can keep alive the magic in the midst of the madness, but it definitely takes work. (You’ll read more about my suggestions for building relationships in Chapter 1 and 2.)