Confessions of a Love Doctor

Sherry Amatenstein, author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups, appeared on TV as a “relationship expert.” Magazines, websites, and newspapers asked for her wisdom—only Amatenstein herself realized how little she trusted the advice.

IT IS A WEEK before Bryant Gumbel will announce that he’s retiring from morning TV. At this moment, we are mano a womano behind the anchor desk at The Early Show. The cranky media star is hounding me about a subject in which I have no expertise—the plight of weekend-golf widows.

However, I do have expertise in something else: confidently pretending to have expertise. Lacking a psychology degree or a successful relationship hasn’t deterred me from publishing two self-help books, writing an online advice column, and charging $100 an hour as a dating coach. Personally, I feel lonely, despondent, and unloved; professionally, I am the queen of psychobabble.

Gumbel reads from the segment producer’s notes on my advice for golf widows: “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” Tossing me a look of contempt, he says, “This one should jack up the national divorce rate.”

It’s my national morning-show debut, and my precarious “relationship-expert” hat has been tipped askew. Realizing it is smarter to acknowledge Gumbel’s “witticism” than to kick him under the desk, I laugh appreciatively, then opine in Oprah-esque fashion: “Of course, it would be a disaster for the couple to play together until she’s learned the game. But not as big a disaster as if the husband tried to teach his wife golf. The only thing dumber is volunteering to teach your partner how to drive.”