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Threesomes: A User’s Guide
How to (really) manage a ménage a trois.
by Ky Henderson
Which is exactly what happened to Jim* and Tracy*. After she agreed to—and enjoyed—a threesome with another woman, she requested they try it with another man. Believing the situation to be a sort of quid pro quo, Jim agreed despite his misgivings.
“I’m not a homophobe and I’d enjoyed seeing my wife with a woman, so I felt an obligation to say yes to a man,” admits the 34-year-old lawyer. But before anyone’s trousers dropped, he changed his mind. “Thankfully we had a ‘safe’ word I could say to stop everything,” Jim recalls ruefully. “I had really been hating every second of it, and I knew it’d get to the point where our whole marriage could suffer.”
“We didn’t really ‘choose’ the three friends we’ve been with—it was all more a function of circumstance,” explains Jaime, a 29-year-old speech therapist who has been with her boyfriend for six years. “It always started after a party, and it always ended with hugs; it was really nice. But my boyfriend and I had discussed the theoretical possibility of a threesome beforehand. And we knew the people well enough to believe they’d be OK with things afterwards, but not so well that a need to sever ties would have been hard.”
So if you and your partner are truly ready to share your sex life with another person, there are potential collaborators everywhere—that is, if you make rules that will keep everyone happy and satisfied. That said, coworkers should probably stay a fantasy—no matter how hot the office manager is.
Whether you’re interested in men or women or both, it’s vital that everyone involved—including the easy-to-overlook third person—be comfortable with each other. When you’re ready to find a partner, you can go about it in any number of ways.
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1 JD // Sep 2, 2008 at 1:47 pm
The 25-year-old repulsed historian has a skeletal grasp on turd man’s tool bag. Only a turd would be happy with this kind of crass inequity in a relationship.
This boyfriend appears to be a waif in training. Perhaps he needs to investigate what the term ‘reciprocity’ means because the trade here screams ‘total con’.
I agree with “Agile Cyborg.” Looks like yet another woman suckered a sucker man into a suck-fest relationship. Men these days…..all too often going on selfish womens’ crap rules. So, she got to fullfill her lesbien fetish, yet he couldn’t (or didn’t care enough)
to want to fullfill he threesome desire? Wonder who I’d rather slap. Maybe both?
Men these days. Such chumps.
2 Agile Cyborg // Jul 31, 2008 at 7:08 pm
‘“Neither of us wanted to be with another guy, and the idea of him watching me and another woman was hot—but the idea of me watching him and another woman was repulsive,” says Janet, a 25-year-old historian. “So the rules were that he could watch us, direct us, and do anything he wanted to me. He was quite happy with that.”‘
The 25-year-old repulsed historian has a skeletal grasp on turd man’s tool bag. Only a turd would be happy with this kind of crass inequity in a relationship.
This boyfriend appears to be a waif in training. Perhaps he needs to investigate what the term ‘reciprocity’ means because the trade here screams ‘total con’.
3 Johnson // Dec 31, 2007 at 2:30 pm
“Hollywood rarely depicts sex accurately”
Tell me about it. The article is about managing a threesome, but the photograph shows four people.
Phhhhhhhhht.
4 Anne // Feb 25, 2007 at 8:16 pm
For the most part, I liked this article and I found it to be quite openminded. But I was bothered by the suggestion that someone looking for a purely-sexual, (most likely) one-time-only hook-up should seek this within the polyamory community. There most certainly are poly folk who are interested in casual sex, but as a whole, this is not what polyamory is about. Polyamory is about having multiple romantic relationships, not just multiple sexual partners. A couple seeking a stranger for a threesome would do better to check out a local swingers group or even Craigslist.