Learn to Look Past Your Imperfect Body

by Carla Hall

While her story is dramatic, Popp is not alone in her attempt to conceal a “flawed” body part from a romantic partner. Many women swagger confidently through business meetings and cocktail parties. But once they shed the armor of Diane von Furstenberg dresses and True Religion jeans, they become flustered schoolgirls, ashamed of everything from scars and birthmarks to stretch marks and small breasts.

And in an age when many women yearn for the airbrushed perfection of Beyoncé and Jennifer Aniston, it’s easy to assume that men do, too. “This sort of angst is very understandable,” says Dr. Emanuel Maidenberg, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA Medical School who has treated patients with severe body image problems, known as body dysmorphic disorder. “Women are culturally more disposed to these expectations of perfection when it comes to body image.”

To compensate, some women keep their clothes on, while others apologize as they come off. At 49, Susan Greenberg*, a high-powered lawyer in Chicago, still makes excuses for her small breasts. “I feel like I have to have a throwaway self-deprecating line,” she says. “In response, they’ll say something reassuring like, ‘The last thing I care about is …’ or ‘I never was much of a boob guy.’” But she’s still not reassured. “It’s just cliché upon cliché,” she says with a sigh.

The only way to get over body insecurities, Maidenberg says, is to stop focusing on them. “Calling attention to something that is small or not visible is selfdefeating,” he says. And hiding a so-called flaw “may be sustainable—but there is a price to pay: tension and apprehension. In the long run, it’s likely to be counter-productive.”

Increasing body confidence, of course, is easier said than done. Caitlin Randall*, a Los Angelesbased writer, despised the two-inch-long, 3⁄4-inchwide birthmark on her right hip. Otherwise lean and sinewy, she saw the brown spot as a glaring flaw on her pale white skin.