Learn to Look Past Your Imperfect Body

by Carla Hall

But you can’t play hide-and-seek forever. “You don’t have to love the part of your body you’re ashamed of,” Maidenberg says. “You just have to stop being ashamed of it. If you stop hiding it, it becomes a non-issue.”

But what if it is an issue?

Barbara Jenkins*, who works in radio promotion in Los Angeles, lost a breast to a mastectomy in 1998. She never expected her boyfriend’s pained reaction to the scar and flattened right side of her chest. “He never touched me there again,” says Jenkins, now 56. To accommodate his discomfort and hers, she wore a T-shirt when they made love. “He would lift it up on one side,” she says. In the end, the relationship didn’t last, but Jenkins emerged with a new sense of self.

Last year, when precancerous cells were found in her left breast, Jenkins had another mastectomy. Since then, she has had reconstructive surgery on both breasts. Today, she is upfront about her cancer. On a recent date with a new man, “I said, ‘I’ve had breast cancer and I have implants so if that bothers you, let me know.’ He said, ‘Don’t worry—I’ve had cancer too!’”

According to Maidenberg, there is no reason that a woman should “prepare” a man to see her body. “Why do it? In the long run it only increases anxiety,” he says.